I wrote this Dec7, but couldn't figure out if I wanted to own it or not.
That which you wish, you must ask for... Incoherent rambling, mumbles in the night. The pain that we feel, and cannot make right. The sound of our silence, the fears we possess; risking not, we gain nothing; risking not we possess…
The wine that fuels us, the voda, whiskey or the gin; the glimmerings of a life not this; where do I begin?
It’s not that I don’t know better, it is that I know not. That I cannot imagine a place, a person, a situation… Where I am not caught.
Reason swept aside, the fears rise up
I’m only a man, and fear fills my cup.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
when all is said and done
Almost a week has gone, my luggage arrived at my sisters at 9:30 pm on Christmas Day... (mind you, I'm technically a jew... celebrating the holiday!)... the last delivery of the night, and you have got to have respect for a delivery guy out in that weather; with snow and ice on all roads.
Now I'm back in LA... and have to get back to work. (well, as much as I can before the new year).
cheers
So, my sister got her gifts after all, and I got to change my shirt.
 |
| Xmas Beaverton (Portland) Or 2008 |
I've posted some pix (some are pretty bad) up on this site.
And yes, I suck as a photographer (especially indoors).
 |
| XMAS Beaverton, Or 2008 Dec 25 -27 Family |
cheers
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The holidays (XMAS) in Portland, Oregon
Well, I've finally arrived.
Monday I started out at 4am, a friend picked me up and took me to the fly-away bus. (Getting someone to get up that early -- 3 am -- means that they really are your friend). Take bus to LAX, flight on Delta to Salt Lake, get stuck because the connecting flight isn't going to Portland; much hours later... come back to LA, sans luggage...
Confer with my sister in the morning (next day); get on a flight out of Burbank (Southwest) to Sacremento. **Thanks to my sister and her determined friend, Susi(?).** Hang around SAC for a while, connecting flight is late... but still going... and get into Portland airport around 8 pm; only with my carry on(s) because the checked item still hasn't made it out of whereever... get on blue train because red-line isn't running... a frozen track switch prevents transit to Beavertion; so I get to the closest destination (where my sister is waiting! Yay), around 11pm.
Today, I checked my luggage status, and according to the Delta website, it's *found* but "enroute". That means what, exactly? (sigh) That's most of my clothes, my shaving kit, and the gifts.
but, I'm here... I'm safe (and it's a VERY white christmas).
Monday, December 15, 2008
remembering...
I saw two "legacy" news items yesterday and today.
One was a recapitulation of the structure failure of the two towers of the 911 trade center. And... I immediately felt the emotions I had put away from that day. I had to change the channel.
The other was the Chatsworth train disaster of a month ago... the second slam to my good mood. And we still are waiting on the answers...
I guess, I'm grateful to not be a member of either group. That's going to have to be good enough...
but I still feel sad.
One was a recapitulation of the structure failure of the two towers of the 911 trade center. And... I immediately felt the emotions I had put away from that day. I had to change the channel.
The other was the Chatsworth train disaster of a month ago... the second slam to my good mood. And we still are waiting on the answers...
I guess, I'm grateful to not be a member of either group. That's going to have to be good enough...
but I still feel sad.
cogitatus incompletus
You know that old joke about "you go into a room, and you don't remember why you are there...". Well, it's happening to me more and more as I try to accomplish tasks; doing more with less (not sure if it's brain cells or what).
However, it becomes kind of frightening when you realize that you just spent the entire day on a particular task, and much less of that got accomplished than you hoped. Not to mention, the email to a friend that you forgot to send...
It's been another week, and I still haven't sent my Xmas^H^H^H^HSeasons Greeting cards...
But at least, most of my tasks for the year (excepting a NEW JOB, NEW ROOMMATE)... are done. And yet... I've got the first beginnings of the website up for my bar client; (although it doesn't look like much... ).
Oh wait... I still forgot to send the damm email...
However, it becomes kind of frightening when you realize that you just spent the entire day on a particular task, and much less of that got accomplished than you hoped. Not to mention, the email to a friend that you forgot to send...
It's been another week, and I still haven't sent my Xmas^H^H^H^HSeasons Greeting cards...
But at least, most of my tasks for the year (excepting a NEW JOB, NEW ROOMMATE)... are done. And yet... I've got the first beginnings of the website up for my bar client; (although it doesn't look like much... ).
Oh wait... I still forgot to send the damm email...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
December 7, 1941
There are not as many left alive to remember firsthand, but I feel the need to acknowledge their pain and experience.
Lest we forget, in 1941 the Japanese leadership in a misguided attempt to defuse the American nation, attacked our bases Perl Harbor, Hawaii. I do not hold the current population responsible, but the unbridled nationalism is what fueled this conflict, as well as the "theater" of Europe.
My father, my uncle, and other men and women fought, and many died to protect us from these threats and keep us free. As we enter the new year, (soon I hope!) we must remember what has been done in our name and resolve to do better. I would honor their memory, and remember that we must remain vigilant both abroad and within.
we need to retake our heritage.
I wish you all well.
Lest we forget, in 1941 the Japanese leadership in a misguided attempt to defuse the American nation, attacked our bases Perl Harbor, Hawaii. I do not hold the current population responsible, but the unbridled nationalism is what fueled this conflict, as well as the "theater" of Europe.
My father, my uncle, and other men and women fought, and many died to protect us from these threats and keep us free. As we enter the new year, (soon I hope!) we must remember what has been done in our name and resolve to do better. I would honor their memory, and remember that we must remain vigilant both abroad and within.
we need to retake our heritage.
I wish you all well.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Life, love, and depression
Any reasoning human is occasionally overwhelmed by events. Ever since my most recent relationship ended (by her choice); I've been wavering between the intellectual awareness that "this too shall pass", and the real pain that "nobody wants me". It doesn't matter how many books (self help, anger awareness, relationship skills) I read; it still hurts. And... it doesn't help at all that the economy sucks; or that many of my fellow men/women? are also without jobs. So, I'm one among many; that still doesn't help pay the bills.
Being a self-employed "consultant" means you never are unemployed; it just means that sometimes... you don't have anyone paying you to practice your skills.
Getting depressed about these two items (relationships and work) doesn't seem to be very productive; and yet, no matter how much I can view it externally (from the outside)... I cannot seem to break free from the feeling engendered, especially lack of self-worth.
I can't blame the "employer", they made a business decision; it just happens to suck for me. I cannot blame the ex-girlfriend, she has to operate in the framework of her needs and those of her daughter. But, it doesn't make it easier to accept; it just makes it harder to remove it from myself... as "Something I did"...
And maybe, perhaps...
I did.
I'm still reading "Learned Optimism", when I can focus myself enough to grind through it. Not because it's a bad read; but because I feel guilty taking the time...
In the meantime, It's the holidays; and I'm feeling very scrooge-like.
I've said before this quote "Ghosts are the memories of past regrets.", and I'm haunted by them. I can't attribute the quote (perhaps you can), but I think the truth is evident. At least, to me... because I definitely feel that regret.
We have a new President-elect, a really lame duck (turkey?); and the economy is on the skids. What's not to feel the christmas spirit...? (and I'm at least technically Jewish)...
Happy Holidays.
May our next year be better.
Being a self-employed "consultant" means you never are unemployed; it just means that sometimes... you don't have anyone paying you to practice your skills.
Getting depressed about these two items (relationships and work) doesn't seem to be very productive; and yet, no matter how much I can view it externally (from the outside)... I cannot seem to break free from the feeling engendered, especially lack of self-worth.
I can't blame the "employer", they made a business decision; it just happens to suck for me. I cannot blame the ex-girlfriend, she has to operate in the framework of her needs and those of her daughter. But, it doesn't make it easier to accept; it just makes it harder to remove it from myself... as "Something I did"...
And maybe, perhaps...
I did.
I'm still reading "Learned Optimism", when I can focus myself enough to grind through it. Not because it's a bad read; but because I feel guilty taking the time...
In the meantime, It's the holidays; and I'm feeling very scrooge-like.
I've said before this quote "Ghosts are the memories of past regrets.", and I'm haunted by them. I can't attribute the quote (perhaps you can), but I think the truth is evident. At least, to me... because I definitely feel that regret.
We have a new President-elect, a really lame duck (turkey?); and the economy is on the skids. What's not to feel the christmas spirit...? (and I'm at least technically Jewish)...
Happy Holidays.
May our next year be better.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Room for Rent, somewhere in the valley...
It's amazing. When I bought my condo back in the day, I had roommates. They were friends, friends of friends, co-workers, and friends of...
I'm still in touch with some of them, and they are still friends. Two guys, one with a gf (now his wife); two gals (one of whom I still hear about but don't talk to); one or two who are dead... unfortunately, they were amazing friends; a gal who I lost track of when she moved to Vegas(and the only roomie I've ever slept with --).
These days almost 20 years later, (thanks to the economy)...
I post an advert on Craigslist to find a room-mate, and get the most unusual results. Two summers ago, I got a guy moving down from the bay area to a new job, bringing his family (later). He was an amazing roommie, mostly because he was a responsible adult and a good guy to hang out with (even though he was a vegetarian).
Then, I advertise again, and get
(*) weird gals who want to trade "services" for the room (wtf?) (pet care, sex?),
(*) get a squatter who moves in while I'm out of town... and have a hell of a time convincing her to move out!
(*) a "doctor" from Iran who's working as a day-laborer because he doesn't have a license to practice (and he can't get better work with that level of education?, and his "brother-in-law" does all the speaking for him)... ** remember 911 is still with us **
(*) a stunninly beautiful model-quality type, who does a quick scan of the place and very politely... runs for the hills. (Remember, I have cats!!!) and am a typical guy (bear with furniture) so I can't really say anything bad about that decision!
(*) a guy who when asked "why are you moving?", tells me that "his landlord is evicting him to sell the building" and that "he's suing the landloard for moving expenses and inconvience"... AND HE REALLY EXPECTS ME TO WANT TO RENT TO HIM?
And... when I ask them to fill out a credit check (so I can see if they're really a terrorist/felon/confidence-person etcetera, the "doctor", the gals... vanish. I guess Al Q can't do good documents...
Hmm... I wonder if that says anything?
So, I'm looking again, and have talked to a couple with a kid (more bodies than I want as a steady roommate situation); a gal with daughters (at least a slightly smaller burden); and Yet again... a Nigerian scammer posing as a hot british gal...
It's not the W4M, M4W, or LTR section folks...
It would be nice to have a roommate (or even the gal with kids) as a short term solution... as long as they respect the house/the cats and I can get along with them...
At least, no flaming militant gay guys this time... I voted against Prop8, but that's mostly because of freedoms and civil liberty; not because I want to live it at home. I've got enough gay friends at present... and although I love them dearly; the drama (experienced first hand!) is more than I need. My best female friend is ... and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but she's as rare as they come. (still couldn't live with her).
But, it really is about the money folks; otherwise I'd be advertising for a 25-35 year old with big breasts; and very low self-esteem....
Well... (grin) that would be fun, also... but still wouldn't pay the bills.
so, we'll see who returns a reference sheet/ credit check form...
wanna put money down that they don't?
I'm still in touch with some of them, and they are still friends. Two guys, one with a gf (now his wife); two gals (one of whom I still hear about but don't talk to); one or two who are dead... unfortunately, they were amazing friends; a gal who I lost track of when she moved to Vegas(and the only roomie I've ever slept with --).
These days almost 20 years later, (thanks to the economy)...
I post an advert on Craigslist to find a room-mate, and get the most unusual results. Two summers ago, I got a guy moving down from the bay area to a new job, bringing his family (later). He was an amazing roommie, mostly because he was a responsible adult and a good guy to hang out with (even though he was a vegetarian).Then, I advertise again, and get
(*) weird gals who want to trade "services" for the room (wtf?) (pet care, sex?),
(*) get a squatter who moves in while I'm out of town... and have a hell of a time convincing her to move out!
(*) a "doctor" from Iran who's working as a day-laborer because he doesn't have a license to practice (and he can't get better work with that level of education?, and his "brother-in-law" does all the speaking for him)... ** remember 911 is still with us **
(*) a stunninly beautiful model-quality type, who does a quick scan of the place and very politely... runs for the hills. (Remember, I have cats!!!) and am a typical guy (bear with furniture) so I can't really say anything bad about that decision!
(*) a guy who when asked "why are you moving?", tells me that "his landlord is evicting him to sell the building" and that "he's suing the landloard for moving expenses and inconvience"... AND HE REALLY EXPECTS ME TO WANT TO RENT TO HIM?
And... when I ask them to fill out a credit check (so I can see if they're really a terrorist/felon/confidence-person etcetera, the "doctor", the gals... vanish. I guess Al Q can't do good documents...
Hmm... I wonder if that says anything?
So, I'm looking again, and have talked to a couple with a kid (more bodies than I want as a steady roommate situation); a gal with daughters (at least a slightly smaller burden); and Yet again... a Nigerian scammer posing as a hot british gal...
It's not the W4M, M4W, or LTR section folks...
It would be nice to have a roommate (or even the gal with kids) as a short term solution... as long as they respect the house/the cats and I can get along with them...
At least, no flaming militant gay guys this time... I voted against Prop8, but that's mostly because of freedoms and civil liberty; not because I want to live it at home. I've got enough gay friends at present... and although I love them dearly; the drama (experienced first hand!) is more than I need. My best female friend is ... and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but she's as rare as they come. (still couldn't live with her).
But, it really is about the money folks; otherwise I'd be advertising for a 25-35 year old with big breasts; and very low self-esteem....
Well... (grin) that would be fun, also... but still wouldn't pay the bills.
so, we'll see who returns a reference sheet/ credit check form...
wanna put money down that they don't?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Fire Aftermath...
I don't even know what to say. It's horrible.
Los Angeles Times - Photography:Devastating wildfires destroy hundreds of homes
I am speechless, and grateful to the firefighters and police.
Los Angeles Times - Photography:Devastating wildfires destroy hundreds of homes
I am speechless, and grateful to the firefighters and police.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Fire
I'm watching the news almost OBSESSIVLY this weekend. Again, we have fires in SoCal "Sayer" and Orange County, and bad.
No matter what, folk are going to lose precious items, memories, things that cannot be replaced. And there are the pets. You know that not everyone can get their companion out... and I don't think the firefighters stand much of a chance, given the size of this disaster. (Please prove me wrong... it will make my day/week/month). I hope...
And, lest we forget, all these wildlands held animal life. They (if lucky?) are going to flee the fire and later starve; or more likely get caught in the 35 mile per hour firestorm that has been reported. No matter what, they're screwed.
But then again, I'm a pessimest.
"Where is god... where is God today?" (lyric)
Not here apparently.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Again with the ghosts...
So I have this stalker-person.
She's elected herself judge, jury and executioner. She's claiming all sorts of bad things about me, and it seems to come and go (with her medications?). It's also a shame, since she's got so many details of my life wrong... I haven't been able to shift her one bit from her allegations; and she ranges from 30 seconds of cordial to vehemently hostile... especially at 2 am (when she likes to call).
I haven't been able to figure out who she is... even through the miracles of technology (Caller-ID), I know "who" the phone calls are coming from. I don't recognize the name displayed, it's not anyone I know. I figure she must have been in the group of folk I knew 13-15 years ago, but haven't a clue...
Did you know that Vonage won't let you block a particular number?, just anonymous calls... It's not in the feature set.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Hope springs eternal in the Scammer's breast (update)
I don't do the nigerian scam.
They REPLY! You're kidding right...?
From: christana bally [mailto:christanabally@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 09, 2008 11:36 AM
To: Edmund
Subject: PAYMENT DETAILS/////////////////: room with house privs (Chatsworth) (map)
Thanks and have a nice day
===================================================================
-----Original Message-----
From: Edmund [mailto:aedmunde@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 09, 2008 10:11 AM
To: 'christana bally'
Subject: RE: LITTLE ABOUT ME/////////////////: room with house privs (Chatsworth) (map)
A few of the key points:
(a) Americans who are studying a masters program, generally speak the language fluently. Especially one studying in France taking Microbiology.
(b) an "American" studying abroad and cannot talk on the telephone. (trademark)
(c) a single (presumably hot) female. (trademark)
(d) really interested in renting from me, but have no details about the room.
(e) Cats are mentioned, but you "like dogs".
(f) already asked for "all details about the room" in the previous email, was answered and responded back with this same question rephrased.
(g) And the final touch... your "dad" will be taking care of the financial arraingments. So I presume that the fake bank draft, counterfit check or other "instrument" will be larger than the deposit, and you will wish a refund. The draft or check will bounce, and I will be out the money.
Best of luck though.
It must still work with some, or you folk wouldn't do it...
Next contestant...
-----Original Message-----
From: christana bally [mailto:christanabally@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 09, 2008 4:12 AM
To: Edmund
Subject: LITTLE ABOUT ME/////////////////: room with house privs (Chatsworth) (map)
Well a bit about myself.am Christana, 25 yrs old , a non-smoker, don't do drugs, not a drinker, and drama free. I myself like to be home and on occasions sign up for classes. I graduated last year , I am single and have no children. However, I dont have dogs..am coming back home (U.S.A ) for my masters degree in any university i want. I was born in Michinga.my dad is from there too but my mum is from London Uk.Am on research work at Paris (France), am almost done.with that bcos its part of my prerequisite for my masters in Microbiology . I would have loved to call you but I cant get thru bcos I believe its the long distance call issue.Am really interested in renting from you and will really want to know everything about the place .I do really love pets but i don't have any at the moment. I would have loved to see it but am very far,but with pictures,I am glad. I will also like you to tell me more about you and if you have pets. i don't smoke.pls let me know the total payment of the place and more over,I will send your email to my dad for him to email you later bcos he is the one that will be paying the bills. I will wait for your email to know if the place is still very much available bcos i want to make a complete arrangement and want to also have your words that you will have it reserved for me bcos i will be coming soon take care and write me soonest.
Christana.
-----Original Message-----
From: Edmund
Sent: Saturday, November 08, 2008 12:05 AM
To: 'christana bally'
Subject: RE: room with house privs (Chatsworth) (map)
Rent $600 / month (includs utilities upto a reasonable amount).
from previous advert:
Great 12x10 bedroom with adjoining stall shower bath in huge 1960 square foot townhouse. The security complex is small and very quiet. There is a pool and spa that is rarely used by the tenants who are mostly owner occupied. Utilities include high speed internet, (basic)cable TV, gas, electric, water and refuse. Use of washer, dryer and kitchen. Cats are already in residence. If you don't like cats... you'll not enjoy the atmosphere. Non smokers please.
First and security deposit.
Close to CSUN, shopping, 118 freeway, and restaurants. Available Now!
available now.
==============
-e
Edmund
-----Original Message-----
From: christana bally [mailto:christanabally6@gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2008 11:40 PM
To: hous-910363285@craigslist.org
Subject: room with house privs (Chatsworth) (map)
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
--
I goodday,
I am Interested in your place,please let me know if it still available for rent...i will be glad if you can send me pics and details of the place including the time frame when it will be available.
Christana
------------------------------------------------------------------
this message was remailed to you via: hous-910363285@craigslist.org
------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Thanks GW! (article in the LATimes)
Unemployment rate hits 6.5%, a 14-year high - article at Los Angeles Times
More big job losses in October paint a picture of recession.
By Maura Reynolds November 8, 2008
More big job losses in October paint a picture of recession.
By Maura Reynolds November 8, 2008
And I'm still looking for work!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The true Genius of America, that it can change (from LAT)
Barack Obama wins presidency, making history I'm too wound up to go to sleep. ELECTION 2008 has come and gone, and we now see what we have voted.
I started out this campaign, not liking either candidate; either because of the tone or the position; and frankly (in spite of my usually better nature) because I listened to some of the less polite attributions made about our first ever female vp candidate... In the end, although I disagree with her politics; I cannot say she's stupid and not a fast study.
So, I didn't really like any of them (excepting perhaps Biden). It seemed to be politics as usual, like the jibjab spoof...
What set the final scene apart for me, was watching John McCain be gracious and concilatory... a return the anchors said to a better man that they had not seen much of in recent days.
I hope... I guess I'm becoming an optimist.
Nah, but if the glass is half-full, maybe I can put some more in it?
Monday, October 27, 2008
your own private cheering section
I'm somewhat unemployed.
I say somewhat, because I still have a small contract supporting a doctor's office. But, the gig can't pay that much... it wouldn't be right to crank the bills up because I need more money. As it is, I find I'm worrying about submitting my full bill for work, because I'm afraid the doctor will Freak!... The full time contract I had went away the week after WAMU crashed... if they were happier, then they wouldn't feel the need to cut to improve head-count. And in this market, it is a real challenge to find work (at least for me).
But, the bills keep on coming in.
And, the routine that I followed since March is broken. I'd get a wake up call in the morning, and call her back in the evening around 10 and we would talk.
We are not doing that anymore... and I miss it.
But if I don't take care of myself, who will...?
I wonder
I say somewhat, because I still have a small contract supporting a doctor's office. But, the gig can't pay that much... it wouldn't be right to crank the bills up because I need more money. As it is, I find I'm worrying about submitting my full bill for work, because I'm afraid the doctor will Freak!... The full time contract I had went away the week after WAMU crashed... if they were happier, then they wouldn't feel the need to cut to improve head-count. And in this market, it is a real challenge to find work (at least for me).
But, the bills keep on coming in.
And, the routine that I followed since March is broken. I'd get a wake up call in the morning, and call her back in the evening around 10 and we would talk.
We are not doing that anymore... and I miss it.
But if I don't take care of myself, who will...?
I wonder
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ouch (or I hate it when it goes like that)
Well, that was fun. I just had *the* conversation with my friend who was my girlfriend. Seems we didn't work out; different goals, different life plans; just not *compatible*. I think I screwed up...
I wish her well, but it still hurts; I wish I didn't see it coming. I keep hoping to do better. I think there is a reason for all those "apocryphal" stories about old batchelors and maids... perhaps some truth after all.
There's a quote floating around in my head; which I will butcher. (And no, I don't remember where it's from... but I'm pretty sure it's been out there a while, and I'm certain I didn't come up with it):
"Ghosts are the memories of past regret". And damm, I'm feeling it.
Remember when you were 20 and *anything* was possible, only believe...
I wish her well, but it still hurts; I wish I didn't see it coming. I keep hoping to do better. I think there is a reason for all those "apocryphal" stories about old batchelors and maids... perhaps some truth after all.
There's a quote floating around in my head; which I will butcher. (And no, I don't remember where it's from... but I'm pretty sure it's been out there a while, and I'm certain I didn't come up with it):
"Ghosts are the memories of past regret". And damm, I'm feeling it.
Remember when you were 20 and *anything* was possible, only believe...
When you cannot get it right...
Keep trying!
My friend is out of the hospital a week now, and the doctors at Kaiser are still mystified. All the pain symptoms match up with the first diagnosis; but the scans are now showing negative. They are still running lots of tests. But... it still hurts. And there is nothing I can do except be supportive. (and that doesn't make me feel very in control)... but I am impressed with Kaiser Permanente because when the stuff hits the fan; they're not just playing around.
Meanwhile...
I'm looking for work. In *this* economy. With *this* circus in town. (Thanks to www.peteyandpetunia.com and JibJab...)
Anybody need a programmer?
My friend is out of the hospital a week now, and the doctors at Kaiser are still mystified. All the pain symptoms match up with the first diagnosis; but the scans are now showing negative. They are still running lots of tests. But... it still hurts. And there is nothing I can do except be supportive. (and that doesn't make me feel very in control)... but I am impressed with Kaiser Permanente because when the stuff hits the fan; they're not just playing around.
Meanwhile...
I'm looking for work. In *this* economy. With *this* circus in town. (Thanks to www.peteyandpetunia.com and JibJab...)
Anybody need a programmer?
Monday, October 13, 2008
God isn't done yet...
I live in Chatsworth, and woke late... (recovering) to sirens, helicoptors, and smoke. It just keeps coming...
on Aortic Dissection (Tear)
Friday my friend went from a semi-routine physical exam (for continuing pain); to an ambulance (lights & siren), down to the cardiology unit. The theory was that she might have a small tear in her aorta, (that's what killed John Ritter); and it would be a very serious matter. If you google for "Aortic Tear" or "Dissection", you get a wealth of very scary material. I can only say how grateful I am... to the staff and policies of the HMO (Kaiser Permanente).
It was apparently a false alarm; but if you ever encounter this... get thee to a hospital, pretty damm quick.
It was apparently a false alarm; but if you ever encounter this... get thee to a hospital, pretty damm quick.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Engineer's guide to cats (appros)
In email, as we get such things... a friend sends me a link.
An Engineer's Guide to Cats
As such things go... it's very appropriate.
I hope you enjoy these guy's work...
-e
An Engineer's Guide to Cats
As such things go... it's very appropriate.
I hope you enjoy these guy's work...
-e
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A reminder that the cretins are running loose...
I had the dubious fortune to have someone break into my car at work this am. They did the deed approximately 5 minutes after I parked... I hadn't even gotten a cup of coffee. They broke the driver's side window.
They were specifically after the GPS unit (took it and the recharging cable); but also took my cell headset and _MY Garage REMOTE_.
The point(s):
1. don't leave anything visible that might indicate to a thief that there is something easy to steal and valuable in your vehicle (especially in plain sight!). I hid my GPS unit, but left the cradle on the dash...
2. IF they take your garage remote; assume that someone will pay a visit to your home, and change the codes accordingly. (I reset my garage door codes immediately upon getting home!); ...
(btw -- if you see anyone suspicious; please call the police).
3. Final costs: The GPS cost me $169, the window (dealer was $420), but I got it aftermarket for $145 including install... the truck came to me; but I still have to deal with the equipment, the cost of the repair and the glass...
and I'm annoyed.
Don't leave anything obvious; the times being what they are, even $20.00 is enough incentive (what the GPS will probably sell for on the street); and the creeps are hungry.
They were specifically after the GPS unit (took it and the recharging cable); but also took my cell headset and _MY Garage REMOTE_.
The point(s):
1. don't leave anything visible that might indicate to a thief that there is something easy to steal and valuable in your vehicle (especially in plain sight!). I hid my GPS unit, but left the cradle on the dash...
2. IF they take your garage remote; assume that someone will pay a visit to your home, and change the codes accordingly. (I reset my garage door codes immediately upon getting home!); ...
(btw -- if you see anyone suspicious; please call the police).
3. Final costs: The GPS cost me $169, the window (dealer was $420), but I got it aftermarket for $145 including install... the truck came to me; but I still have to deal with the equipment, the cost of the repair and the glass...
and I'm annoyed.
Don't leave anything obvious; the times being what they are, even $20.00 is enough incentive (what the GPS will probably sell for on the street); and the creeps are hungry.
Monday, September 15, 2008
trains and disasters
I've spent the weekend trying to ignore (as much as humanly possible) the horrible events outside (I live 1 block away from it, in Chatsworth).
The news was overwhelming, sadness and heroism; and politics as usual.
I can only add my own voice to the many; and say "I'm so sorry".
Maybe something good will come from this, I can only hope.
The news was overwhelming, sadness and heroism; and politics as usual.
I can only add my own voice to the many; and say "I'm so sorry".
Maybe something good will come from this, I can only hope.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Now this is a toy I want... Perceptive Pixel Video Player
I'm sitting here looking thru email and from a friend discover...
Perceptive Pixel Video Player
All I can say, is I want one!!! (the wall, not the video player)
cool toy.
Perceptive Pixel Video Player
All I can say, is I want one!!! (the wall, not the video player)
cool toy.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Mr Taffy has gone on ahead...
I thought it would be *easier*. You never expect to just break down and weep... over a cat. Not just any cat, but a friend. Born 17 years ago on May 31, he expired today 7/17/2008 very peacefully; with me scratching his ears.
One of the complications in treating cancer is that the drugs themselves are so destructive. In this case, renal failure (his kidneys stopped working).
The cancer was temporarily beat back, he was motoring around just fine, and then he just decided it was time. At least he didn't go hurting... just sleepy. (Kinda like the flu)...
Up till this week, he was full of piss-n-vinegar, climbing on my desk and sleeping on my keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd... and when I came home from work, he'd 'yow at me and then jump off the desk, grumbling.
At night, he'd demand his rights on the pillow next to me, much to the discomfort of my girlfriend... who really didn't want cat in face. But to be fair, she's got a soft heart for him as well.
He never met a meal he didn't like; got along with other cats and kids; and would chomp your hand if you weren't polite... (or at least bluff very convincingly --- I've got scars!) --- but he also let me wash him when he couldn't; carry him when he hurt; and give him the medicines that helped him continue... so that he could eat once more a steak dinner; once more a batch of shrimp in butter; one more pancake; and to cuddle one more time.
he will be missed.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Proof that there is *still* new beauty in the world
When you think that nobody has a new idea...
It pretty much sells itself; a friend sent me here; and now I'm sending you...
http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/videos.shtml?fbid=jgNR5
blatent optimism.
I love it.
It pretty much sells itself; a friend sent me here; and now I'm sending you...
http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/videos.shtml?fbid=jgNR5
blatent optimism.
I love it.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tomcats are TOUGH!
It is now June, almost July (gasp); and I owe you a progress report.
Taffy had his surgery, they removed an entire cancer node, and he spent a couple-three weeks recovering. Back on chemotherapy, we're finding that some drugs work better than others... and some do not work at all.
He's definitely doing better, and we'll keep up this regimen as long as he's enjoying life more than hurting.
The bottom line, today he was up to his old tricks: he climbed onto my desk (while I was gone) and opened and ate from a bag of chicken jerky. He's also motoring around the house jumping on things he hasn't attempted in a while... and purring when he gets his ears scratched.
That's good enough for now...
Taffy had his surgery, they removed an entire cancer node, and he spent a couple-three weeks recovering. Back on chemotherapy, we're finding that some drugs work better than others... and some do not work at all.
He's definitely doing better, and we'll keep up this regimen as long as he's enjoying life more than hurting.
The bottom line, today he was up to his old tricks: he climbed onto my desk (while I was gone) and opened and ate from a bag of chicken jerky. He's also motoring around the house jumping on things he hasn't attempted in a while... and purring when he gets his ears scratched.
That's good enough for now...
Monday, April 7, 2008
overwhelmed
Today I got the call from my veterinarian that I have been dreading.
In order to treat Taffy's cancer, the surgery to remove the sites would include removing the leg. The question is... is he strong enough and flexible enough to get through it; or am I just prolonging his suffering. Up till now he's had a pretty good run; but the antibiotics are not enough to clear up the infection and the cancer medicines themselves suppress some of the immune response, making the situation worse. He has been a real fighter, being cuddly and even playful (string chasing) even when I know he's not up to par... but it's a lot to ask; and I don't have an easy answer.
If I don't have the surgery, he's whole but not here for long; if I do... he might not have any more issues... but no one can call it for certain. And nobody can give me the answer.
(loud meeow) oops -- he's here for his dinner, see you later.
In order to treat Taffy's cancer, the surgery to remove the sites would include removing the leg. The question is... is he strong enough and flexible enough to get through it; or am I just prolonging his suffering. Up till now he's had a pretty good run; but the antibiotics are not enough to clear up the infection and the cancer medicines themselves suppress some of the immune response, making the situation worse. He has been a real fighter, being cuddly and even playful (string chasing) even when I know he's not up to par... but it's a lot to ask; and I don't have an easy answer.
If I don't have the surgery, he's whole but not here for long; if I do... he might not have any more issues... but no one can call it for certain. And nobody can give me the answer.
(loud meeow) oops -- he's here for his dinner, see you later.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Sometimes it's the little things...
My life is a split personality. I have a cat with *cancer*.
I work mostly full-time. I go to school (and take classes).
And... I just aquired a new friend of the female persuasion... still too soon to tell, but I have *hopes*.
Taffy is still soldiering on, his cancer making life more difficult; but every time I think about whether or not it's time... he cuddles, purrs... and asks for more food and treats. As long as he's still actively pursuing this, I guess he feels ok enough. I wish there was more.
Get up, pill the cat. Grab coffee, computer, notebooks and food... and out the door to work. Bug out of work when the plant closes; come home to feed the cats, then (certain days)... off to school. Who'd thought I'd be in classes at 51? It was easier when I didn't have to compete.
Home again, chores, bills... and the occasional SF show or a movie (if the weekend).
And they say the treadmill is only in the gym.
This weekend I'm going hiking.
I work mostly full-time. I go to school (and take classes).
And... I just aquired a new friend of the female persuasion... still too soon to tell, but I have *hopes*.
Taffy is still soldiering on, his cancer making life more difficult; but every time I think about whether or not it's time... he cuddles, purrs... and asks for more food and treats. As long as he's still actively pursuing this, I guess he feels ok enough. I wish there was more.
Get up, pill the cat. Grab coffee, computer, notebooks and food... and out the door to work. Bug out of work when the plant closes; come home to feed the cats, then (certain days)... off to school. Who'd thought I'd be in classes at 51? It was easier when I didn't have to compete.
Home again, chores, bills... and the occasional SF show or a movie (if the weekend).
And they say the treadmill is only in the gym.
This weekend I'm going hiking.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Of Mackerel and kings...
It's been over a month, and this guy's still with us. Taffy's still not in pain, but definitely less spunky than he was a month ago, and then I was thinking it was end-game. Next week I'll take him in and get evaluated; but as long has he's comfy... who am I to deny him fresh-cooked mackerel? (courtesy of Galleria Market, Reseda and Devonshire). I haven't heard so much snarfelling and mumbling while eating since my Grandfather and dinner... He not only went back for seconds, but snagged the leftovers from all the other cats. (burp).
I guess he liked it.
I guess he liked it.
Monday, January 14, 2008
There is *always* hope... (really random thoughts)
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Bear with me, I'm sick working on inebriated (trying to get the two hats thing going on the bedpost)...
Taffy (male cat, don't hassle him.. he KNOWS he's a boy) is feeling better. He's on antibiotics, anti-cancer medication (basically rat-poison specific to the "bad" cells) and lots and lots of love.
Here's a picture of him. Right now I'm just happy he's feeling better. (and yes, I'm a lousy photographer). He's the white tom in front.
Proof positive that there are *real* people out there in internet-land; I responded to a post on CL, and met a real-live-person. I'm amazed (and pleased), but mostly amazed. OK, life isn't perfect but at least it's showing some upside. NO idea where this goes, but for right now... just not bouncing ideas off the underverse and having no response; is a REAL GOOD THING.
I gather that Hillary stepped into it, and her hubby didn't help much (on the campaign trail talking about MLK and Johnson); but since I'm not (insert any disadvantaged ethnic group here), I don't know $h!t about what they are upset about... (yet). Somebody will (undoubtedly) explain it to me, but for now... So I still like her over Obama, and only some of that based upon the past platforms (see latimes) http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/elections/ but then again...
Now, if we could only get out of Iraq with our dignity, but I don't have much hope. I wonder if GWB is going to get labelled in history as another in a long line of really bad presidents; but I don't have that much faith in the short term. We will see.
Meanwhile, my cats are doing better; and I have a cold.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The hard decisions
When I was a young man, my father made the hard decisions. While I was away at college, it was his task to take care of the dogs, and finally to take them to the vet when they were too sick to enjoy their senior doggyhood. It was his compassion that allowed him the strength.
I have four cats; three female and one male. Three are a legacy from my ex, and one from a friend. One is a hyperthyroid(ism) survivor, she putts around the house just fine these days, although I watch her for kidney disease. One has asthma and gets kitty steroids. And my guy, the one tom... has cancer. He's been treated with radiation therapy; but we all know how this must end. As long as the quality of his life is there... I'll fight for him. When it's not; then the decision that I must face will become inescapable.
I dread that day.
Tonight I was reminded that day may come soon. This summer, I just wanted to have him make it to Christmas. Now, (greedy?) I just want him to have his summer.
Tonight I read an article (from the LA Times) about the plight of old folk and the poor in the subway in Russia, and our inability to act.
I hope when the time comes, that I have the courage.
He's depending on me.
I have four cats; three female and one male. Three are a legacy from my ex, and one from a friend. One is a hyperthyroid(ism) survivor, she putts around the house just fine these days, although I watch her for kidney disease. One has asthma and gets kitty steroids. And my guy, the one tom... has cancer. He's been treated with radiation therapy; but we all know how this must end. As long as the quality of his life is there... I'll fight for him. When it's not; then the decision that I must face will become inescapable.
I dread that day.
Tonight I was reminded that day may come soon. This summer, I just wanted to have him make it to Christmas. Now, (greedy?) I just want him to have his summer.
Tonight I read an article (from the LA Times) about the plight of old folk and the poor in the subway in Russia, and our inability to act.
I hope when the time comes, that I have the courage.
He's depending on me.
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