As Thanksgiving rolls around again, I am truly grateful for my family still with me, my pets who keep me sane and my friends who argue otherwise!; the work which (however characterized) validates and nourishes me; the sanity *after* the political song and dance is done (and I'm glad we have this President. Republican friends - you'll have your chance again in 4 years). And... in spite of the memories: (my father's first obvious heart attach occurred Thanksgiving 2004, and the second on Christmas); my ex-fiance's mother who went in on Christmas Day (leaving us four days later)... I find comfort in the non-secular holiday of buying and giving... (grin) as I am lost sometimes in my thoughts and memories. I still like the music (even if I'm not of the religion). I am NOT going to Walmart, nor Target nor Toys-r-us. Black Friday can do it's worst... without me.
Be grateful for what you have, and what you do not. Appreciate each other and the small things of joy around you... and include your furries or feathered if you have them. I exist. So do you. Who cares if "no-one" is listening. We all are.
There is love.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
frustration
I have this friend; and she has early detection breast cancer. I have known her since high school, and that was a long time ago.
She is probably going to die. Horribly. Screaming. Spitting and peeing blood, etcetera. It will be awful, and she thinks that she's got it covered.
It is early enough for safe treatment, and it is a slow growing mass (at the moment), but she is going to treat it "holistically" and not with any conventional treatments. She is convinced that the treatments will kill her; and that meditation and the power of positive thought... will prevail.
She has been paying this quack "Ayurvedic" practitioner, who has been taking her money for a long time... and she believes. Except... she's not getting enough sleep; she's not eating healthy foods; and she definitely isn't in a mindset where her powers of constructive conciousness can prevail. In other words, she is fucking delusional. I blame it on her long term denial of the reality of life, but there is no way I can reach her. And I care what happens...
And, i have to accept it.
She is probably going to die. Horribly. Screaming. Spitting and peeing blood, etcetera. It will be awful, and she thinks that she's got it covered.
It is early enough for safe treatment, and it is a slow growing mass (at the moment), but she is going to treat it "holistically" and not with any conventional treatments. She is convinced that the treatments will kill her; and that meditation and the power of positive thought... will prevail.
She has been paying this quack "Ayurvedic" practitioner, who has been taking her money for a long time... and she believes. Except... she's not getting enough sleep; she's not eating healthy foods; and she definitely isn't in a mindset where her powers of constructive conciousness can prevail. In other words, she is fucking delusional. I blame it on her long term denial of the reality of life, but there is no way I can reach her. And I care what happens...
And, i have to accept it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Hope once risen, then dashed.
I'm not talking about the election, dammit. That went better than expected.
Yay. O for another 4 years, and maybe we get out of this mess.
No, I'm upset because I've got signs that the newest acquisition of the feminine persuasion... is a work in progress; and I just hit a major fracking pothole. I don't want and need to fix another human, and I'm definitely not sure what to do about what I just experienced.
That's life. If it was easy... anyone could do it without fucking up. Now I can either be judgemental, or try to help her evolve. Either way, it's a win-lose strategy; because it's not a shrink-wrapped ready-to-consume relationship that doesn't have major baggage. Crap.
I shouldn't be surprised. She's definitely worth pursuing... but there are definite road-signs that there's problems with the road.
As if I was perfect?
Yay. O for another 4 years, and maybe we get out of this mess.
No, I'm upset because I've got signs that the newest acquisition of the feminine persuasion... is a work in progress; and I just hit a major fracking pothole. I don't want and need to fix another human, and I'm definitely not sure what to do about what I just experienced.
That's life. If it was easy... anyone could do it without fucking up. Now I can either be judgemental, or try to help her evolve. Either way, it's a win-lose strategy; because it's not a shrink-wrapped ready-to-consume relationship that doesn't have major baggage. Crap.
I shouldn't be surprised. She's definitely worth pursuing... but there are definite road-signs that there's problems with the road.
As if I was perfect?
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