So, only a few days before I was going to see my mom and my sister and celebrate (wrong word) the passing of my cousin's husband. Then, a few days before I flew up my Mom passed.
So, I didn't change my flight because what was the point? I could not change the outcome.
My sister, who has been carrying the water as the principal caregiver for the last few years (more than 5, less than 10) needed my help clearing my Mom's apartment. In between crying, my sister was a rock.
I at that point (and still) can't feel the sadness that I know is coming. Every so often I choke up, but I still haven't grieved for my mother; whom I have known all my life.
It will come.
We cleared my Mom's apartment at the care facility. My sister is STILL dealing with every reminder that my mother is not here anymore. I am back in my treadmill, and have still not really sat down to accept it.
Every time I want to call my mom, which I did every night for the last 7 years or so (ever since she fell the first time), I am reminded and I feel sad. I still cannot cry. Yet.
There is a lot of conflict, because of minor inconsequental things. I love my sister and her partner. They rock. I want to shoulder their pain. And, I cannot.
