IT's Sunday...

We all need some humor, should I say more?

see more There I Fixed It

lets see if I make sense...

So, Thursday was my mother's birthday. She is now 90 years old. Born, January 1920... and still maintaining her faculties. There's hope, even if my dad went at 67 from heart disease. (he smoked, but in addition had a bad heart valve, which is genetic).

I dropped a Math class because I wasn't going to do well on the first test, because it would probably affect my GPA, and CSUN wouldn't accept the grade anyway (too many repeats) ... math is my kryptonite. And, they wanted an additional $846 in tuition if I took it...

It's not like I'm made of money or anything like that. After almost two years out; I can say pretty equivocally that I'm broke. The yoyo string is about played out, and I'm just about done. That isn't exactly the place I want to be; and isn't particularly good for my morale.

Intersting thing, drink scotch and get weepy / depressed. Drink cheap sake and just get dizzy. Not sure it's an epiphany or what. But, without steady work; and the last guy I did two weeks for didn't pay up... not sure if it's me or the situation; but suspect me...

And the bills, they keep on coming...

Hati

Some quick facts:

There are bogus charities out there; so be careful, either research them before donating or make damm sure that they are who they say they are...

1. A review site for Legitimate charities: http://www.charitynavigator.org/

2. Established for the Haiti disaster: http://www.clintonbushhaitifund.org/

3. Be Careful Of Email Solicitations!!!

Failures haunt, anger provides, mistakes made

So I went to see a group of friends play both last night and tonight. Once again a wonderful evening; and yet I manage to spoil the ending (tonight) by upsetting the one person I really want to impress. Not because it's going anywhere (it isn't), but because I hit the same damm trigger as last time; and I know better. And the worst part, she's upset with me... and I'm upset with me for screwing up.

There just isn't a redeeming quality... I just have to stay in the background, where I don't try to be "too helpful". Every damm time.

Didn't completely ruin the evening; but came close.

sometimes people don't know I cook...

And yes, it's simple fare...

Yesterday… had salad, soup, grilled zuccinni and burger (pictured) – almost forgot to shoot it… was hungry.

Today…
Just got the urge for viet spring rolls, and went and brought shrimp. Had everything else, glass noodle, shredded some lettuce, scallions, Korean radish (which I forgot to put in)
Cilantro and parsley. Made the simple fish sauce, lime juice, chili paste, vinegar and sugar.

They still look like crap, but they taste good.

(except next time I de-shell the shrimp). Too crunchy.

of cats and kings

Pippi is still with us. I look at her, all 4 lbs and 12 ounces, and keep hoping as she fluctuates up and down. I cannot figure a dish that she will eat predictably, nor can I guarentee success if I get her pills down her throat. But, she still purrs and cuddles, and I always wake with her trying to get closer; so I haven't given up.

She gets all the treats she wants, and anything else I can get her to munch on. All the love and clean boxes she wants, and yet... I hold to the vain hope that she will get *better*. But, for now... she's still here. And that's enough.

reflections

Rage fits
follows lies
cant function
futile tries
tears flow
runny nose
just want to
let it go
Cant get
to a goal
is it me or
universe whole
I just want to win
but am back as
hamster again
chest hurts
bang my head
wonder if
be better off
dead
edge of night
my friends asleep
whats the point
disturb their sleep
I just sit
and quietly cry
for what is lost
and gone and by
Michelle Karyn Helene and Patty
proof positive it isn't them
And yet I scream
I am not broken
whisper it with glass unbroken
my cats they save me
once again
otherwise
calling sweetly
oblivion

thoughts thru a glass, imperfected

I think I forgot to post this one...
Date: 2009-12-31, 2:30AM PST

thoughts rage through my mind
form follows function
that which we are
leaves trails behind.
To seek is to fail
to accept is to cherish
that which binds us
and makes us whole.
Cynical writer seeks not such a goal
for goals themselves defeat purpose intent
That which is caught in the web of our lies
yet, not... because we reveal in our defenses
the wounds of the flesh and the spirit.
You ask what is it we look for; what is it we need?
I answer connection, in thought and in the deed.
If I had some wisdom to offer, to proffer in truth
it would be to be with, not hide or vent untruth.
I am but a man (old fart tho' I be...)
greyhaired pate exterior but inside might be free'd
for we ALL are alike in our needs and our goals
to be worthy to be judged a person, whole
I wish you well, my readers of note
the year it is ending, yet...
survives on the koolaid of hope.
to sleep, perchance to dream.
So, sleep well and wake
to face the new day
(apologies, Robert)
may your time be a full and as long as it may
If I wink and I nod, you'd best take it well
I mean you no harm, just appreciate that you are indeed....
well.

That which we seek, we often find within. That which is external cannot be coaxed nor coerced within.
A miracle occurs when that connection is found, but being receptive to it you must be
or will not be found.

head scratchers and furry warmers

)lets see if it works like it should...(cross posted, but what the hell

Friendship... still!

I had to repost this, it still applies. (they share meals)

for Joni and family

Form follows function.

I exist in the now.

The future uncertain,

The past pains me how?

I love all my memories

But would blur out a few

Loving fully, caring deeply

And once there were two.

And yet those who

Depend on me for life

Still bring me much joy

And center MY life.

If not for those

Humble they be

I would not be here

I’d elsewise be free.

I treasure family

Friends and successes

I exchew the large

Both wrong and excess(es).

But greyer I find

As I understand some

I welcome your presence(s)

On the journey we’re on.

So this year is starting

Both troubled and new

With wiser heads seeing

I trust that they do.

I wish you well

My love sent out

To family and friends

Both local and out…

May the ‘n oughts be forgotton

The pains may they fade

The world through new eyes

Be new’ly remade.

(on this day, January 2010)