accentuate the POSITIVE!, but plan ahead

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist can get you killed.

I'm a pessimist by policy; but having a conscience and compassion, can hurt me.

Optimists can be like grifters, TANSTAAFL applies. Check your wallet.

The difference(s) between optimists and pessimists can lead to all sorts of things:

a) Extremism, both left-hand and right. (You're both unreasonable)

b) Anger, which causes childish behaviour.

c) Major Stupidity, the current financial crisis.

Since, I'm not going to be an extreme-ist...

I have four cats, a roof over my head (at least for now), and am taking classes at the local state university. That might... even make it so I can find work...

G*d, you listening?

Focus on the bigger picture...

An article (just before I drop)... that caught my attention.

You should read it, especially if you're in the entertainment industry, or have kids.

In fact, especially if you aren't / don't.

Think about it.

STEVE LOPEZ

Polanski's defenders lose sight of the true victim
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-lopez30-2009sep30,0,1671827,full.column

Another day's energy uselessly spent...Requiem (I hope)

Funny. I miss talking to my "friend", but not enough to risk communications with her. I feel guilty that I had to chase her out; and yet... it wasn't even remotely possible to continue having her as a guest... wtf? Why should I feel anything but relief? At least now the nightmares will fade... (my brain plays a lot of "what-if" daydream sequences when I'm dropping off, and just before I wake up)... and these were unpleasant.

But, I need to find my *focus* so that I can do the coursework. Otherwise, the effect will be greatly magnified by killing a semester to the tune of ... thanks Calif ... say $3000. or so? (I have to check, kinda lost track in all the flurry of disasters)...

Another day's energy uselessly spent...Part Quince...

You've got to be kidding.

After all the drama, the police, the Social Workers (Adult Protective Services); my erstwhile "friend" has now found herself stuck at the Santa Barbara Train station with all her baggage and the poor suffering animals; who deserve better. And... calling me at almost 11 at night; like I'm a 24hour charity or something. I'd call the SPCA or the ASPCA to at least help her out... but that's a pretty big leap. I'd call APS, and have them sort this mess, but they went home right after shipping her off on the train. (It took two cops, one social worker, and about 3 hours)...

What did she think was going to happen?

So, I called the local PD, and asked them to look in on her, and see if they can get her to shelter; her and her pets. I'm sure she'll blow at me again, but so be it. At least, she won't be dead, and the animals might actually get cared for (something she thinks she's doing)... And if she doesn't let me study (which means leaving me alone and not calling) I just might get her committed myself.

Another day's energy uselessly spent...Part Quatro

My latin is rusty, but my heart is pure... (armor's rusty too)

Yea right. I'm too old for this crap. I lost another ENTIRE study day. I have no me left.

Once again, I'm out $$$ I don't have; and don't appreciate having to absorb. It was much easier in the 60's, "grass, gas, or ass...". And I'm only half-way kidding. Exit stage (what) right/left/upside down? most current person-I'm-trying-to-help. Cops in supervision. (I feel sorry for them, crappy deal all around). I'm just not equipped for this; and am hanging up my damm armor. Period. The next one better have a checkbook that contains cash(e) money; or at least the ability to buy his/her own groceries.

I can feel sorry for animals. They don't have a voice. People, though... ought to know better. If mentally ill, either they check their tinfoil hats at the door, or they go to the proper authorities.

But, "he said: You can save only one..." I asked "why". The reply: "Because any more and you drown, too."

But why can it be only one...

Sunrise, sunset...

In Memoriam; Maharet. (1994 - September 23, 2009)

Mekare and Maharet were sisters, two cats of the ragdoll form.
Today, my ex- had to say goodbye to Maharet, who lived for 15 years...

Maharet liked to sleep on your hand when you lay down, she was very vocal and inquisitive. When you talked to her, she'd respond. When I would go around the condo, she would follow me around like a puppy. I've not seen her in a couple years, but somehow I still feel the loss.

K: I'm sorry. Maharet: you will be missed.

I didn't get to say goodbye until afterwards, and didnt' get to say anything to my ex at all...

Another day's energy uselessly spent...Part Tres

Well, I've determined that my friend cannot live here. There are just too many barriers and roadblocks.

She's a worthy member of the human race, et al, but her outlook on the universe and lifestyle... isn't mine. Damm. Would have been nice to have a paying roommate, too. ('course, she'd actually have to pay, also)... lots of air-promises; and I've been down that road with about 4 others. (I"m a slow learner).

If she's not willing to help herself or let people help her; whatever she thinks is actually going on... then she's a threat. The world doesn't revolve around me, but my personal survival depends on me staying focussed on it; and I'm definitely not equipped for this.

(she said I should advertise for a cat-rescue person as a roommate).

Hmm...

Another day's energy uselessly spent...Part Deux

So, once again into the breech.

I've got this friend; (well I do!)! She's somewhat off-kilter (docs screwing with her medication?)... so she goes from lucid to frenetic to ANGRY and the spin cycle is amazingly fast... but she's still trying to keep it together. I don't know that I'd have that much _presence_of_mind_ to handle that challenge.

Imagine KNOWING that you're not right; but cannot get past it and yet watch it happen. That's how I envision it; because I've never been there, never lived in the dark side. But, I've known her forever... (not well, but since we were both 13 or so...?) and she was one of my sister's friends.

I yanked her from a substandard living accomodation; which because of her disability and lack of $$$ resources, was completely unable to extricate herself from. (Not bragging... doing it was a royal bitch). And if she doesn't develop the means to pay me back shortly, it will have other unfortunate consequences.

She was living in this moldy-flea infested converted garage and between the mold, the disease, and the lack of proper support... almost completely shut in. I can't believe that (a) a landlord would rent stuff like that; and (b) that the city housing authority didn't yank her way back when. (Amazes me, but then again... California voters, Prop13 and the Arnie-versus-Democrats&Republicans... thing -- makes me want to vote with a slingshot...

But, She and her two pets (one cat, one dog) are now ensconced in my abode... and they're handling it much better than she is. But, that's expected... given the parameters going in.

She still needs to get out of the old place... and into storage. She's cleared all her clothes, but has wayyy more stuff than I could accomodate, and she's probably not a viable long-term roommate. I'm still storing stuff from the last relationship, and that's been over for 3 years. (Longer, if you go by when she wanted out). She can't/won't take her stuff; and I don't (yet) have the heart to just nuke it. Probably should, but ...

So, Now what...?

Get her meds sorted; get her life back; and with luck... she can go back to being a happy productive member of society... which is what she wants more than anything. Well, excepting her landlord in the pillory, perhaps...

And I have to go back to getting ready for a test tomorrow (I'm in school, since I can't seem to find work..) let's see if I can recoupe a weeks worth of study time in two days. or less...
wish me luck. (and her)

Goodnight Patrick...

you will be missed. Souls that stay true to their calling are still treasured.

I never had the grace... but appreciated the bar set high.

the pendulum swings

Somehow, despite the successes; it is the failures that haunt.

Again: Ghosts are the memories of past regrets. (I wish I could properly attribute that quote).

Like Sisyphus, the rock that I cannot roll; this burden unlifted.

It is easier if you cannot see, cannot hear, do not speak. To cover the eyes, stop up the ears, and stuff the mouth with cloth.

I hear the bell tolling.

Another day's energy uselessly spent...

So, I had a birthday. As you can tell, I'm less than thrilled... but I don't get a pass.

Spent the day in lecture; and the evening trying to (a) make a rib dinner for myself (what the hell) and (b) write some skeleton code for a project. Coming up to speed on a new IDE at the same time.

And... one of my friends seems to be mad at me. No surprises there; I seem to have a knack for it. However, Honest... I didn't do anything. Or at least, I don't think I did...

Well, tomorrow is another day.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Friggin' birthday.

Now I'm ... 53.

Mid-life crisis; what mid-life crisis? Get in line, first I gotta eat.

My hair's thinning on top, I'm short of breath; one of my cats requires regular tending (more than usual), a childhood friend is in a real pickle, and I really really need to get rid of my current roommate (a friend of many many years). It just isn't working...

But hey, There's Obama-care... are marketed by the extremely liberal LEFT and protested by the extremely conservative RIGHT. But, what the hell...

maybe the screw holding my ass on will snap... it would go with the last couple weeks.

for Pippi, for Molly, For Saido and Baby

Sometimes I lie quietly still, as my cats greet

and tell me about the new day

Not all friends require words, might they just

want to cuddle and to play?