So, I went to a Thanksgiving dinner given by a friend. And, she kissed me.
I was surprised, and somewhat excited. We've know each other for about 30 years.
I was interested a long... time ago, but was too scared to try.
It's like that.
Tonight, she told me she's interested in getting closer, but not as in a *relationship*. Just, the other stuff. So, I said... that's ok. Because I've been alone long enough that even crumbs are good.
But, I'm disappointed.
That's ok... but not great.
so why am I sad?
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
Technical -- for consultants -- use google location to track your billing
Here's a hack that works.
If you use google location services, then the locations and times you are onsite are listed in the logs, and you can accurately (and demonstrably) document when and where.
A caveat, you can have only ONE location enabled device (phone, laptop, tablet) that is logged into the used account, has location services turned on, and is referenced.
If you carry a phone and a tablet or laptop with you, the data will not diverge.
If you leave a tablet on and at home, take a phone... you will get alternating pings from each device, and it will look like you are in two seperate places at the same time (and screws up all the accounting).
If you use google location services, then the locations and times you are onsite are listed in the logs, and you can accurately (and demonstrably) document when and where.
A caveat, you can have only ONE location enabled device (phone, laptop, tablet) that is logged into the used account, has location services turned on, and is referenced.
If you carry a phone and a tablet or laptop with you, the data will not diverge.
If you leave a tablet on and at home, take a phone... you will get alternating pings from each device, and it will look like you are in two seperate places at the same time (and screws up all the accounting).
Election blues
Well, that happened. (November 8, 2016).
We now have a *new* President-Elect, and he's distasteful to more than half the country.
I'm not going to talk about how he won, or the ratio of voter turnout, the electoral college, or any of a number of other things covered by other wiser and more informed writers than I.
I'm going to talk about the hostility that this election season generated, and the resultant change to the meme of gentlemanly (sorry ladies) opposition. I'm not going to try to find a better word for it, I think it suits just fine. The stereotype is that men compete, women cooperate.
In this case, I think we let men be apes and women be men... as far as the noble gesture of taking the high road during this campaign.
I have never seen such rancor or hate; and the subsequent news showing even more extremism makes me ashamed to be an over-50 white American male. In fact, it makes me ashamed of our country specifically.
We made fun of Brexit. Well, that is old news and now we have definitely surpassed it.
I am very disappointed people.
ooo
I asked myself "what is the point of anger?"
Then I asked myself "how do we get past this event?"
Then I saw news items of hate and bigotry
And I ask those of you, my friends (who are ok with what just happened, and say "this is right"), I ask you "what do you expect when you allow hate-fear-prejudice-bigotry rule popular opinion?"
Be careful, those of you... remember these things:
1. some of us... ARE smarter than the previously noted marching morons.
2. some of us... didn't buy into guns and violence because we held to a higher path.
3. some of us... fear what we become if we descend.
4. and almost all of us...
are royally pissed.
If you do not reign in the marching morons. we will. And it won't be pretty. Tolerance and love only go so far, and the shit I've seen in the news.... is not ok.
ooo
SO. I have multiple personality (opinion) disorder on this subject. If it doesn't kill us... Either I will be uplifted by this agenda... or more completely F*d. only time will tell. But -- my friends and others who voted this induhvidual (IMHO) -- remember that you will be held accountable for each and every incident of hate, fear and incompetence.
And for my left-wing(er) friends... for every molotov cocktail thrown.... (remember to not drop the damm thing prematurely when lit).
ooo
Bear witness.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Lazy programmers, and organizations that just *don't get it*.
As a professional who takes pride in my work, and as a job-seeker (because a consultant is only as good as your last gig) I find myself often frustrated by the incredibly stupid workflow errors that get published when people craft websites.
Specifically, the kind of errors that crop up because they are lazy, didn't think it through, or just plain stupidity...
The Health Net job board a current favorite example.
And when you select "Apply Now" --- because I have been here before so my info is already in the system; it starts you off by asking the SAME questions (background) that it asked last time... except that the "older" optional history is already there. So, the current tedious job-history-employment isn't saved... but prior entries are.
Why?
nevermind...
Specifically, the kind of errors that crop up because they are lazy, didn't think it through, or just plain stupidity...
The Health Net job board a current favorite example.
Start apply with LinkedIn
Start apply with FacebookIT Support Specialist #30121
Date: Sep 28, 2016
Location: Woodland Hills, CA, US, 91367
Company: Health Net, Inc.
[[id]]
Job Summary
Serve as the primary contact in providing desktop, laptop and peripheral computer support to internal partners and vendors.
Essential Duties & Responsibilities
· Perform imaging, moves, adds and changes (IMAC) of desktop and laptop computers.
· Provide level 2 support for computer-related problems.
· Respond to requests for new services
· Investigate, research and troubleshoot more complex IT related issues
· Perform new user IT training and communication of IT policies and standards
And when you select "Apply Now" --- because I have been here before so my info is already in the system; it starts you off by asking the SAME questions (background) that it asked last time... except that the "older" optional history is already there. So, the current tedious job-history-employment isn't saved... but prior entries are.
Why?
nevermind...
Thursday, August 18, 2016
About rejection...
(This is from my recollections of my youth, alas long gone... If I get any of the details incorrect, my apologies to all maligned persons out there).
When I was a lad attending UCSD-Revelle, I had a roommate named Norman. Stormin-Norman as I recall; mostly because he was a surfer and a bit more bold than the rest of us (as I remember, anyway).
Norman used to come home with a different girl almost every night, and some repeats (I think he had favorites). We, being underclassmen, would sit around and theorize as to how he did it.
We finally worked up enough courage to ask.
Norman said "I go to a bar, walk up to the first girl, and ask her if she wants to fuck. If she says 'No', I go to the next one, and it usually works out". (*approximate from memory*)
If necessary (I'm theorizing), he would move on to the next bar...
So I asked, because I'm a little slower than some on this stuff: "Don't you get slapped a lot?"
He replied: "Yes, but I get laid a lot also".
---
I remember stepping out of the stall in the bathroom to wash, or brush my teeth or something, and a girl (I'm allowed to be chauvenistic --- it's my blog) of the stunningly attractive variety naked in the shower... sticks her head out and says "Hello". I never did manage much of a comeback except "Hi"...
When I was a lad attending UCSD-Revelle, I had a roommate named Norman. Stormin-Norman as I recall; mostly because he was a surfer and a bit more bold than the rest of us (as I remember, anyway).
Norman used to come home with a different girl almost every night, and some repeats (I think he had favorites). We, being underclassmen, would sit around and theorize as to how he did it.
We finally worked up enough courage to ask.
Norman said "I go to a bar, walk up to the first girl, and ask her if she wants to fuck. If she says 'No', I go to the next one, and it usually works out". (*approximate from memory*)
If necessary (I'm theorizing), he would move on to the next bar...
So I asked, because I'm a little slower than some on this stuff: "Don't you get slapped a lot?"
He replied: "Yes, but I get laid a lot also".
---
I remember stepping out of the stall in the bathroom to wash, or brush my teeth or something, and a girl (I'm allowed to be chauvenistic --- it's my blog) of the stunningly attractive variety naked in the shower... sticks her head out and says "Hello". I never did manage much of a comeback except "Hi"...
Sunday, July 24, 2016
when you're between gigs fighting rejection probably the hardest thing I
it's amazing how quickly you can cycle down to low (depression) when you send out resumes and talk to people about employment (1099/w2).
You get contacts from:
1. agency headhunters who want to show you the next great thing (of course they don't actually have it; they are just trying to up the number of submissions), or ...
2. company websites, to say thank you very much for replying.
( if in fact we actually want to interview you we will let you know thanks).
But you have to up the failure rate. And the only thing in marketing that I understand well is that if you don't make contacts you can't possibly sell your product; in this case you're prodoct is yourself and it's damn difficult to do.
You get contacts from:
1. agency headhunters who want to show you the next great thing (of course they don't actually have it; they are just trying to up the number of submissions), or ...
2. company websites, to say thank you very much for replying.
( if in fact we actually want to interview you we will let you know thanks).
But you have to up the failure rate. And the only thing in marketing that I understand well is that if you don't make contacts you can't possibly sell your product; in this case you're prodoct is yourself and it's damn difficult to do.
ok. I'm tired of dwelling on man's inhumanity to man (apologies to the ladies, I'm just using olde languge). I'm tired of debating Hillary versus Bernie, and wringing my proverbial hands at the excesses of Trump. But mostly, I'm tired of a treadmill economy and the denigration of work. If you are not... the 1% of the 1%, then you are a failure, a big, fat failure. I don't accept it.
Even when rent/mortgage/DWP is due and I'm dancing as fast as I can... and certain friends (non-friends?) unabashedly advise me that my skills with computers/programming/engineering are sadly out of date; and that I am useless in any capacity to them. Because it may be true; but I refuse to believe that in a general case I am useless.
Even when rent/mortgage/DWP is due and I'm dancing as fast as I can... and certain friends (non-friends?) unabashedly advise me that my skills with computers/programming/engineering are sadly out of date; and that I am useless in any capacity to them. Because it may be true; but I refuse to believe that in a general case I am useless.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
My mom is TOUGH (revisited)
I can't believe (not really, just got lost)... that I forgot to post this.
In mid-december, a week before I was supposed to fly up and visit; I got a phonecall from my mom's friend/boyfriend that she had fallen and was in the hospital.
I texted/called my sister (she was on vacation on one of the islands, and not immediately reachable).
Apparently, she took a mis-step in her apartment and broke the femur and fell. Because the managed care facility doesn't have call buttons in the "independent" units; she crawled! to the phone, pulled it off the table and called 911. Then, she talked to said boyfriend, before the EMTs arrived. (NO call button because then there is a contractual liability; which I think sucks, but that's another story).
So, my sister's friends (she has a huge supportive group) rallied around and visited her in the hospital. I looked into changing my flight (only 7 days away...) but my sister had already cut short her trip and was flying back; and said I didn't need to do that. She was already *almost* on scene.
I flew up after, as originally planned and we spent the time visiting my mom in the hospital and then the rehab center she ended up in. (A pretty good one, I'm impressed) Robison Jewish Health Center in Portland.
Mom got physical therapy, round the clock nursing care and assistance, and pretty good food (somewhat ethnic, but wth). She was used to being VERY independent, and didn't want to continue if she didn't have a full recovery; and talked (especially to my sister) about how it would be just *easier*. Made it very tough on my sister, and not so easy for me either. You don't ever expect your parents (rock solid anchors of certainty) to become frail or helpless.
We used a lot of encouragement and "family" love/ pressure to convince my Mom that it was going to be ok, and that she would recover. So, she made that a goal.
My Mom used to walk 1 to 2 miles a day, at speed, without a cane or a walker.
This was all new and depressing to her. The loss of independence, the frailty exposed, and especially the pain that she wouldn't discuss.
Before I left, she had left the rehabilitation center, was ensconced back in her own apartment unit, and was going to physical therapy onsite ON HER OWN. My sister had helped enormously, I feel like I didn't do anything special. My sister carried the entire load. (I know that isn't true, but it's closer than I would like).
Mom isn't back to a mile a day, and she is using a walker to assist. But, she's not far from it either, and still no-one at the facility would believe how far she came, and how fast.
My mother is 96 years old.
They don't make them that tough anymore. Not often, anyway.
She sets a high bar. I hope I am up to it.
My goal: Call her almost everyday.
In mid-december, a week before I was supposed to fly up and visit; I got a phonecall from my mom's friend/boyfriend that she had fallen and was in the hospital.
I texted/called my sister (she was on vacation on one of the islands, and not immediately reachable).
Apparently, she took a mis-step in her apartment and broke the femur and fell. Because the managed care facility doesn't have call buttons in the "independent" units; she crawled! to the phone, pulled it off the table and called 911. Then, she talked to said boyfriend, before the EMTs arrived. (NO call button because then there is a contractual liability; which I think sucks, but that's another story).
So, my sister's friends (she has a huge supportive group) rallied around and visited her in the hospital. I looked into changing my flight (only 7 days away...) but my sister had already cut short her trip and was flying back; and said I didn't need to do that. She was already *almost* on scene.
I flew up after, as originally planned and we spent the time visiting my mom in the hospital and then the rehab center she ended up in. (A pretty good one, I'm impressed) Robison Jewish Health Center in Portland.
Mom got physical therapy, round the clock nursing care and assistance, and pretty good food (somewhat ethnic, but wth). She was used to being VERY independent, and didn't want to continue if she didn't have a full recovery; and talked (especially to my sister) about how it would be just *easier*. Made it very tough on my sister, and not so easy for me either. You don't ever expect your parents (rock solid anchors of certainty) to become frail or helpless.
We used a lot of encouragement and "family" love/ pressure to convince my Mom that it was going to be ok, and that she would recover. So, she made that a goal.
My Mom used to walk 1 to 2 miles a day, at speed, without a cane or a walker.
This was all new and depressing to her. The loss of independence, the frailty exposed, and especially the pain that she wouldn't discuss.
Before I left, she had left the rehabilitation center, was ensconced back in her own apartment unit, and was going to physical therapy onsite ON HER OWN. My sister had helped enormously, I feel like I didn't do anything special. My sister carried the entire load. (I know that isn't true, but it's closer than I would like).
Mom isn't back to a mile a day, and she is using a walker to assist. But, she's not far from it either, and still no-one at the facility would believe how far she came, and how fast.
My mother is 96 years old.
They don't make them that tough anymore. Not often, anyway.
She sets a high bar. I hope I am up to it.
My goal: Call her almost everyday.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Awkward.
I went to see the doctor at Kaiser today. Just a routine checkup for STDs, c/o my suspicions about events passed.
I get a young female doctor.
Awkward, I'm not as liberated as I would like.
Anyway, to perform the necessary "short-arm" inspection, she has to bring in a colleague as a chaperon. That makes sense, right?
So exit for a moment to acquire said colleague, and back in with another (young) blond doctor... and she is blessed with an Aussie/NewZealander accent. (And I really liked the accent).
Yay.
I'm not mortified, but both are extremely professional and we get past it.
I wonder if they were as uncomfortable, examining me... as I was with the exam. (Probably not, they are professional and have I'm sure... done this enough times before).
I'm not against the concept, but two attractive young females poking at my parts, not how I expected to start the day.
It is a new world.
I get a young female doctor.
Awkward, I'm not as liberated as I would like.
Anyway, to perform the necessary "short-arm" inspection, she has to bring in a colleague as a chaperon. That makes sense, right?
So exit for a moment to acquire said colleague, and back in with another (young) blond doctor... and she is blessed with an Aussie/NewZealander accent. (And I really liked the accent).
Yay.
I'm not mortified, but both are extremely professional and we get past it.
I wonder if they were as uncomfortable, examining me... as I was with the exam. (Probably not, they are professional and have I'm sure... done this enough times before).
I'm not against the concept, but two attractive young females poking at my parts, not how I expected to start the day.
It is a new world.
Intelligent angry and alone, a recipe for one whiskey, one scotch, one beer...
One of my hobbies is perusing craigslist. Not so much because I believe the postings, as I am entertained by the misery protrayed within. It is like watching a horrific freeway accident; you cannot look away, and the view sickens you.
The universe needs a better crap filter; if we weed out all the scammers, thieves, bullshit artists and unrealistic... there would be no one posting.
Throwing a advert out on M4W just gets me in the mud with the other gents. It doesn't produce; and telling the world "I am a nice guy" doesn't cut it. I read a post not too long ago where stated the obvious.... to catch someone's attention, you have to do it differently. Almost everyone will loudly proclaim their innocence, basic goodness, ad naseum.
It doesn't work like that.
write something interesting he said.
write something relevant he advised.
DON'T write the standard drivel. (he SHOUTED).
I listened. Or at least I thought I did...
So, I read this on CL and was charmed:
[I'M STILL NOT SURE IF I SHOULD INCLUDE IT, I DIDN'T WRITE IT]
RE: CL
los angeles > westside-southbay > personals > rants & raves post [ account ]
reply x prohibited[?] Posted: about 21 hours ago
Dear Men... (Rantville)
image 1
To Younger Men:
If I accidentally go out with you because I did not know you were 25 until our date, then decline meeting again, it's nothing personal. I was probably drunk at a bar and you looked hot, which is how you ended up with my number. Really, I have no patience for bad sex or inexperience.
To Older Men and/or Ugly men:
Just because you bought me a drink, or hold a high status position, does not entitle you to anything. If you're looking for any woman that looks worlds better than you, is way younger than you and is also intelligent, you may want to readjust your expectations. See 'Foodies' below.
To 'Foodies' (Fat/out-of-shape Men):
Proclamations of being a 'foodie' do not cover up or excuse your flabby, overweight body, or entitle you to a date. I work out and diet very hard to stay toned and in shape, in order to fit into those 00 Express slacks and size 2 Nicole Miller bodycon dresses. I feel guilt each time I eat anything other than salad. So yes, I will date/fuck that cute, young doctor with the Porsche, that handsome director with the Z series, or that really hot actor /foreign heir instead of you, because I fucking earned it. That's how it works. Natural selection in action.
To Middle Eastern Men:
You are the hottest bunch, and you know it.
But that does not mean after one date you should be texting me to ask who I'm with, where I am and when I'm getting home, even if you're off-the-boat from Saudi Arabia. Your want of a 'hot girl' for arm candy & fucking *just for you* reeks, and it won't happen regardless of how gorgeous you may be or how many fluorescent-colored Ferraris your Dad bought you with his oil money. Women are not possessions.
To Muslims: Video mashups of 'accidental jihad' are not funny. You don't have to shit American flags, but have some fucking compassion. I would never laugh at videos of people getting blown to shreds in your ancestral country. Why would I want to see 'funny' videos of attacks on my country? And not kick you out of my house thereafter? In addition, I don't want to hear any tirades about Israel or even the neighboring Islamic countries that you hate.
To Jews: If you will only ultimately have an exclusive relationship with a Jewish woman, don't string a non-Jewish woman along for 3 months. Don't string any women along, period, even if you end up marrying a Korean. Please note that you complaining about my complaining is, in fact, you also complaining.
To Persians: If you have a girlfriend (or 10), let your date know;) You guys are the hottest and the best at fucking, and if that's what you want, make that shit clear from the get-go, rather than making shit up and shifting the goal posts as you go along. The 'Persian lies' are far more transparent than you realize.
Other Men:
To Indians/Hindus: You guys are the best dancers and most fun to hang around! But please don't offer to buy me a Mercedes or ask me to marry you on the third date. That's a little too much for an American. I don't even know you. Also, atheism is not a religion, and the outer space spirituality stuff can get a bit tiresome after a while. Have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out;)
To Japanese/ East Asians:
Similar to Indians, please don't propose marriage or offer to buy me cars or luxury goods on the third date. You are really cute, you're high status, and you may be LTR/marriage material, but I still don't know you after three dates.
To UK Men:
You guys are pretty similar to White Americans, just a bit more pompous. Try to tone down the comparisons and condescension. And please work out. Your sexy UK accent and well-fitted suit does not cover up that beer belly.
To Latino Men:
You guys are also great dancers, super fun, and you're pretty damn hot! But when grown men refer to grown women as 'girls' or 'babies', it is really a huge turn-off. A grown woman is not a 'girl', and you are not a 'boy'. And please, do not tell me you love me after one date. Also see 'White Americans' below and read about their 'mansplaining'/undermining problems.
And finally. . .
To White American Men:
You probably don't want any tips, but here are a few, in case you're curious.
First, see 'foodies' and 'older/ugly men' above.
When you profess you want a 'smart/educated' woman, do not then spend all of your time with her 'mansplaining' everything. She likely knows more about the subject than you. Similarly, don't seek out 'smart/educated' women, and then proceed to undermine her because you feel intimidated when you discover she went to a more prestigious college or university than you did, or is smarter than you, or has a finer American pedigree than you, or some other thing which dredges up your feelings of inadequacy.
Please exercise and eat reasonably healthy food. This is not only to look good and be physically attractive, but to maintain health, including your sexual health. Soft dicks and bad skin plague the white dude population, because you eat crap and sit at a computer all day.
Next is a big one which I've had to explain to confused foreign men: Tab etiquette.
At this point, I have picked up more American men's tabs than have had tabs picked up for me. While it is polite for women to reach for the check at a restaurant, and prudent for women to pay their own way at least on the first few dates, if by the third or fourth date I am paying for your food/drinks, covers, museum admissions or concert tickets, rather than the other way around or at least Dutch, there is a serious social problem that ought to be addressed.
Happy Hunting!!
======================================
So, I replied to this existing post... (both via email and on CL)
======================================
On Mon, Mar 14, 2016 at 4:02 PM, I wrote:
Laughter.
Thank you!
As one of those old-guys-chasing-slightly-younger-women... I can take offense at the aspersion to the other old-guys-chasing-younger-women... group.
Personally, I have the parameter that they have to look *better* than me... so it makes me look good. Or at least, everyone is staring at *her* instead of me.
The same applies. However. (if I can get the coffee out of my nose)...
1. Younger means generation gap. Not the same music, her / his mom listened to what you are familiar with, and may have fond memories... but it's instant death on the dating scene.
2. Younger means clueless.... which is a relative place inhabited by *everyone* who didn't grow up when/where you did. So if you're from the "valley", then you know. If you grew up in New York City, then a different experience. And, not remembering the space landing? Or Kennedy getting shot? Or Kennedy getting shot? (yes, twice).
How about Vietnam, Iraq, The seconde gulf war... (need I continue?)
3. Fat is fat is fat. Mostly it means poor life/heath choices, but for some it's genetic. (An irresistible urge to stuff one's face and not exercise it off), but also some folk actually do have a metabolism that is better suited to life before square meals on a regular basis... and BBW / BBBBW /// oh my god.../// are all indicators that you're going to die! SOON. Depressing. If we even wanted to like you, in self defense we'd better run... before you expire on the date.
4. That 20 year old picture of you when you were *hot* no longer applies. Unless of course ... the object of your interest is similarly equipped and delusional. In fact, if it weren't for the high-school photos of some of my dates, I'm not sure we would ever have connected.
5. pretending to be something you are not. If you assume the nome-de-plume of a Norse god[dess], either be from that background (genetically), or at least know what you are talking about. It's pretty simple, use google. or a mirror. There's a lot of archtypes for your internet personality. Sort of a rude shock when the expectation isn't... (LOL) It can be a good thing... or not.
6. Also, under pretending... if you aren't educated / book smart / sophisticated.... don't pretend. Those of us with manners, detect malapropisms .... it is built in to our language cringe reflex.
And while you are at it, please SPELLCHECK your communiques. (No I'm not putting the damm accent on the word,... deal with it).
Just because you finger-type your way through an email or posting... doesn't mean that you can say "QUIT" when you mean "QUIET" or any other homonym that comes from the spellcheck.
7. A gent(?) on here a while ago posted a set of rules for writing a good advert. The same applies to responding...
However --- keep them coming. What else is a pathetic older looser going to do for entertainment instead of working?
---
==========================
This is what happened:
==========================
I'm still trying to figure out whether or not to post this entire::=
On Mon, Mar 14, 2016 at 6:25 PM, craigslist original poster wrote:
Great post!
And I have to agree with most of what you said.
I'm 30, and my comfort zone is between 30-45, though that is not concrete.
With regards to older men looking for younger: there's a world of difference between a 45 year old checking out 30-35 year olds, and the 35-50 year olds looking for 20 year olds. The latter is just creepy. Under 25 is basically still a child. What are these guys thinking?
But age does not really matter as much as attraction & personality. I can't imagine enjoying life or having a fulfilling relationship without a healthy sex life *and* someone who will be a great partner.
I completely understand what you mean by a man wanting a woman to look a little better. That's completely OK and the norm.
Most men I have meaningful relationships with were not drop-dead gorgeous, but were cute, maybe a little handsome, attractive, etc... But they also had status & money (marriageable men). I looked better then they did, and they liked that, and I understand. We had things in common, and had great conversations! The more time I got to know each of them, the more attached I became, and the more handsome/attractive they came to look in my eyes. That's what happens with women- you fall in love with the whole person. The trappings are just what pull you in initially. So it's not really 'superficial'. It's *natural selection*;)
But completely hideous guys who think their status alone should garner a woman leagues away in the physical department are simply delusional. Older men can be really handsome, which is why my 'comfort zone' boundaries are negotiable. But really, how can I -or anyone- fuck someone they find immediately repulsive? How can you even get turned on? There's no amount of good conversation or bonding that is going to turn an ugly or fat guy into someone you *want* to fuck. Pretty sure it's the hideous dudes with no/low paying jobs who accuse all beautiful women of being superficial.
Cute guys have the upper hand there, for sure. But even cute/average looking guys can't get too far without money or status or intelligence, or some combination thereof. Something has to be present in order to forge a lasting bond. Drop dead gorgeous guys are the only ones who can get by without money/ status or intellect, but a lot of them are not marriage LTR/material for whatever reason (no money/status, playboys with 10 GFs, fuckin' idiots, whatever), so they end up as really fun dates-to-nowhere. Which is perfectly fine, if you can enjoy them for who they are and within their limits.
You should see some of the photos of 30-40 year old guys I have received here on CL, especially comparing them to the cute/average-looking 30-40 yr old I *do* hang around. Never mind comparing them to the hot, gorgeous tissue dudes! Some of these dudes are so ugly, it makes me wonder if they have looked in a mirror! It seems many of them have a skewed idea of what "average" means. Or else have compromised eyesight.
"Younger means clueless.... which is a relative place inhabited by *everyone* who didn't grow up when/where you did. "
This is on point! But one can mitigate cluelessness by reading books and other things;)
Based on my marital experience and subsequent dating experiences, it seems I'm going to have to seek out men smarter or more educated than myself, because those are the only men so far who do not condescend, undermine or else 'mansplain'. Even the directors and other high status creative dudes (who have only BAs) will still 'mansplain' & undermine. I need one with an advanced degree. In fact, it has been *only* the physicians and scientists who have not exhibited these behaviors (which is a bit counter-intuitive, since MDs are well known for their arrogance).
Anyway,
Thanks for the response:)
Write on!!
Laughter. My only response....
So far: Score: 2 nice responses and 1 flaming response.
to letters...
I enjoyed the flaming response too! (comments inline)
>>Is that you {deleted}? [No, I'm -e]
What a fucking disappointment. You sound like a judgemental asshole. You two are perfect for each other and I bet you'd fall hard for a girl like that and in the end I bet she'd take you for everything you've got and leave you drowning in your coffee beans. Or whatever's left of them. Your holier than thou attitude will get you.no where in life. "QUIET" judging others!
Oops my bad. I'm mentally challenged I guess. It couldn't possibly be that I have bad eyesight or that it possibly could have been a typo or auto correct! Seems like such an intelligent guy would 've able to figure that our on his own.
[Hmm... seems to me that is equal parts historical anger (which I am not responsible for), and I hit a button there. My comment about "QUIET vs QUITE" has to do with autotypeing, that was the point.]
o o o
[Ma'am -- that was the point. We ALL judge. The trick is to not let that get in the way of the truth. And... I didn't mean to set you off. I was responding to another well-written post (a 'riff off her words), not trying to bait you. However -- since I'm posting this in Rant N Rave... I guess I'm just adding gasoline. ]
True intelligence has nothing to do with a degree. You're an idiot.
[Agreed (both counts). But, I wasn't saying that a degree makes the man/woman/critter. I was saying that EDUCATION self imposed or thru academe leaves a mark. My point, was that I was disappointed in the quality of the English grammar of most of the posts. People --- even google chrome will redline your words as you type. only on a little twinkly Smarte phone will you have issues with spellcheck and autocorrect. To be more polished... check! ]
<<
On the other hand...
>>
Creepy. She was too. Oh wait, this is rants and raves. I almost forgot where I was.
[ Agreed. But Funny. OR at least that was the attempt.]
<<
>>
Great post!
And I have to agree with most of what you said.
I'm 30, and my comfort zone is between 30-45, though that is not concrete.
With regards to older men looking for younger: there's a world of difference between a 45 year old checking out 30-35 year olds, and the 35-50 year olds looking for 20 year olds. The latter is just creepy. Under 25 is basically still a child. What are these guys thinking?
o o o
[This one was too goode to share completely. And no, we're not hooking up. LOL]
<<<
So -- dear readers. Opinions vary.
Remember -- this *is* Rand and Rave. Where Mexican/Black/Asian/etc haters go to vent, where posting about LARRY is de' rigueur and pictures of bbq'd cats surface next to dismembered Mexicans.
The only reason CL keeps this open.... is to give *us* unfortunates a place to let off steam, without immediate censure. Still happens -- try posting "I want to Kill..{insert politician name here}." and see how fast your TS/S/C ... goes away... or you get a *visit* from some nice folk in a black SUV.
The internet means "No-body knows you are a dog", even if you are... but also means that ANYTHING you do... may circulate forever.
And yes, I write... (and wash my hands afterwards)... thanks R.A.H.
Peace.
Out.
And this posted to Ventura, for some reason I don't know what. fixed. I hope.
==========================
And somehow...
==========================
craigslist
reply e802
(no subject) - And you know what I think. You ARE him! Only you got the last initial wrong. Another typo? You and I Attachment 7:12 pm
reply f983
Go write about that! Lol - Go write about that! Lol 7:04 pm
reply f983
And you obviously do not write and wash your hands... - And you obviously do not write and wash your hands of it because look at you go. Feeling all 7:03 pm
reply e802
(no subject) - You even changed my wording! Lol what a pathetic loser! You may want to check your own polishing Attachment 6:58 pm
reply f983
I thought you were someone else. All you had to d... - I thought you were someone else. All you had to do is let me know I was mistaken. No need to defend 6:49 pm
reply f983
Lol. - Lol. Original craigslist 6:47 pm
reply e802
(no subject) - Too chicken to talk to me? You feel you need to tell the whole world so you'll have someone on
Wow.
I really upset someone.
I'll reply as follows:
1. I'm not "R" whoever he is. (assuming, but wth).
2. I didn't intend to offend, was just trolling in the RnR tradition.
3. I'm sorry you got upset and took it personally. I was just commenting on the reactions...
4. I didn't deliberately re-word you... (didn't check), just cut/paste and shared. So...
And, you're just another person. Equally valuable, equally obnoxious... depending upon the day.
Some days I get it right, some days... not so much.
5. And as for make up sex, yes -- I agree it's usually the best kind; excepting when the nice officers come visit afterwards and somebody has to do some 'explaing... Lucy!
Been there, done that.
Again, person on the other end... my apologies.
"Ghosts are the memories of past regrets, and I have a substantial number."
However, you... other than this dialogue... not so much. (No idea who you are)
ok?
Peace.
The universe needs a better crap filter; if we weed out all the scammers, thieves, bullshit artists and unrealistic... there would be no one posting.
Throwing a advert out on M4W just gets me in the mud with the other gents. It doesn't produce; and telling the world "I am a nice guy" doesn't cut it. I read a post not too long ago where stated the obvious.... to catch someone's attention, you have to do it differently. Almost everyone will loudly proclaim their innocence, basic goodness, ad naseum.
It doesn't work like that.
write something interesting he said.
write something relevant he advised.
DON'T write the standard drivel. (he SHOUTED).
I listened. Or at least I thought I did...
So, I read this on CL and was charmed:
[I'M STILL NOT SURE IF I SHOULD INCLUDE IT, I DIDN'T WRITE IT]
RE: CL
los angeles > westside-southbay > personals > rants & raves post [ account ]
reply x prohibited[?] Posted: about 21 hours ago
Dear Men... (Rantville)
image 1
To Younger Men:
If I accidentally go out with you because I did not know you were 25 until our date, then decline meeting again, it's nothing personal. I was probably drunk at a bar and you looked hot, which is how you ended up with my number. Really, I have no patience for bad sex or inexperience.
To Older Men and/or Ugly men:
Just because you bought me a drink, or hold a high status position, does not entitle you to anything. If you're looking for any woman that looks worlds better than you, is way younger than you and is also intelligent, you may want to readjust your expectations. See 'Foodies' below.
To 'Foodies' (Fat/out-of-shape Men):
Proclamations of being a 'foodie' do not cover up or excuse your flabby, overweight body, or entitle you to a date. I work out and diet very hard to stay toned and in shape, in order to fit into those 00 Express slacks and size 2 Nicole Miller bodycon dresses. I feel guilt each time I eat anything other than salad. So yes, I will date/fuck that cute, young doctor with the Porsche, that handsome director with the Z series, or that really hot actor /foreign heir instead of you, because I fucking earned it. That's how it works. Natural selection in action.
To Middle Eastern Men:
You are the hottest bunch, and you know it.
But that does not mean after one date you should be texting me to ask who I'm with, where I am and when I'm getting home, even if you're off-the-boat from Saudi Arabia. Your want of a 'hot girl' for arm candy & fucking *just for you* reeks, and it won't happen regardless of how gorgeous you may be or how many fluorescent-colored Ferraris your Dad bought you with his oil money. Women are not possessions.
To Muslims: Video mashups of 'accidental jihad' are not funny. You don't have to shit American flags, but have some fucking compassion. I would never laugh at videos of people getting blown to shreds in your ancestral country. Why would I want to see 'funny' videos of attacks on my country? And not kick you out of my house thereafter? In addition, I don't want to hear any tirades about Israel or even the neighboring Islamic countries that you hate.
To Jews: If you will only ultimately have an exclusive relationship with a Jewish woman, don't string a non-Jewish woman along for 3 months. Don't string any women along, period, even if you end up marrying a Korean. Please note that you complaining about my complaining is, in fact, you also complaining.
To Persians: If you have a girlfriend (or 10), let your date know;) You guys are the hottest and the best at fucking, and if that's what you want, make that shit clear from the get-go, rather than making shit up and shifting the goal posts as you go along. The 'Persian lies' are far more transparent than you realize.
Other Men:
To Indians/Hindus: You guys are the best dancers and most fun to hang around! But please don't offer to buy me a Mercedes or ask me to marry you on the third date. That's a little too much for an American. I don't even know you. Also, atheism is not a religion, and the outer space spirituality stuff can get a bit tiresome after a while. Have an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out;)
To Japanese/ East Asians:
Similar to Indians, please don't propose marriage or offer to buy me cars or luxury goods on the third date. You are really cute, you're high status, and you may be LTR/marriage material, but I still don't know you after three dates.
To UK Men:
You guys are pretty similar to White Americans, just a bit more pompous. Try to tone down the comparisons and condescension. And please work out. Your sexy UK accent and well-fitted suit does not cover up that beer belly.
To Latino Men:
You guys are also great dancers, super fun, and you're pretty damn hot! But when grown men refer to grown women as 'girls' or 'babies', it is really a huge turn-off. A grown woman is not a 'girl', and you are not a 'boy'. And please, do not tell me you love me after one date. Also see 'White Americans' below and read about their 'mansplaining'/undermining problems.
And finally. . .
To White American Men:
You probably don't want any tips, but here are a few, in case you're curious.
First, see 'foodies' and 'older/ugly men' above.
When you profess you want a 'smart/educated' woman, do not then spend all of your time with her 'mansplaining' everything. She likely knows more about the subject than you. Similarly, don't seek out 'smart/educated' women, and then proceed to undermine her because you feel intimidated when you discover she went to a more prestigious college or university than you did, or is smarter than you, or has a finer American pedigree than you, or some other thing which dredges up your feelings of inadequacy.
Please exercise and eat reasonably healthy food. This is not only to look good and be physically attractive, but to maintain health, including your sexual health. Soft dicks and bad skin plague the white dude population, because you eat crap and sit at a computer all day.
Next is a big one which I've had to explain to confused foreign men: Tab etiquette.
At this point, I have picked up more American men's tabs than have had tabs picked up for me. While it is polite for women to reach for the check at a restaurant, and prudent for women to pay their own way at least on the first few dates, if by the third or fourth date I am paying for your food/drinks, covers, museum admissions or concert tickets, rather than the other way around or at least Dutch, there is a serious social problem that ought to be addressed.
Happy Hunting!!
======================================
So, I replied to this existing post... (both via email and on CL)
======================================
On Mon, Mar 14, 2016 at 4:02 PM, I wrote:
Laughter.
Thank you!
As one of those old-guys-chasing-slightly-younger-women... I can take offense at the aspersion to the other old-guys-chasing-younger-women... group.
Personally, I have the parameter that they have to look *better* than me... so it makes me look good. Or at least, everyone is staring at *her* instead of me.
The same applies. However. (if I can get the coffee out of my nose)...
1. Younger means generation gap. Not the same music, her / his mom listened to what you are familiar with, and may have fond memories... but it's instant death on the dating scene.
2. Younger means clueless.... which is a relative place inhabited by *everyone* who didn't grow up when/where you did. So if you're from the "valley", then you know. If you grew up in New York City, then a different experience. And, not remembering the space landing? Or Kennedy getting shot? Or Kennedy getting shot? (yes, twice).
How about Vietnam, Iraq, The seconde gulf war... (need I continue?)
3. Fat is fat is fat. Mostly it means poor life/heath choices, but for some it's genetic. (An irresistible urge to stuff one's face and not exercise it off), but also some folk actually do have a metabolism that is better suited to life before square meals on a regular basis... and BBW / BBBBW /// oh my god.../// are all indicators that you're going to die! SOON. Depressing. If we even wanted to like you, in self defense we'd better run... before you expire on the date.
4. That 20 year old picture of you when you were *hot* no longer applies. Unless of course ... the object of your interest is similarly equipped and delusional. In fact, if it weren't for the high-school photos of some of my dates, I'm not sure we would ever have connected.
5. pretending to be something you are not. If you assume the nome-de-plume of a Norse god[dess], either be from that background (genetically), or at least know what you are talking about. It's pretty simple, use google. or a mirror. There's a lot of archtypes for your internet personality. Sort of a rude shock when the expectation isn't... (LOL) It can be a good thing... or not.
6. Also, under pretending... if you aren't educated / book smart / sophisticated.... don't pretend. Those of us with manners, detect malapropisms .... it is built in to our language cringe reflex.
And while you are at it, please SPELLCHECK your communiques. (No I'm not putting the damm accent on the word,... deal with it).
Just because you finger-type your way through an email or posting... doesn't mean that you can say "QUIT" when you mean "QUIET" or any other homonym that comes from the spellcheck.
7. A gent(?) on here a while ago posted a set of rules for writing a good advert. The same applies to responding...
However --- keep them coming. What else is a pathetic older looser going to do for entertainment instead of working?
---
==========================
This is what happened:
==========================
I'm still trying to figure out whether or not to post this entire::=
On Mon, Mar 14, 2016 at 6:25 PM, craigslist original poster wrote:
Great post!
And I have to agree with most of what you said.
I'm 30, and my comfort zone is between 30-45, though that is not concrete.
With regards to older men looking for younger: there's a world of difference between a 45 year old checking out 30-35 year olds, and the 35-50 year olds looking for 20 year olds. The latter is just creepy. Under 25 is basically still a child. What are these guys thinking?
But age does not really matter as much as attraction & personality. I can't imagine enjoying life or having a fulfilling relationship without a healthy sex life *and* someone who will be a great partner.
I completely understand what you mean by a man wanting a woman to look a little better. That's completely OK and the norm.
Most men I have meaningful relationships with were not drop-dead gorgeous, but were cute, maybe a little handsome, attractive, etc... But they also had status & money (marriageable men). I looked better then they did, and they liked that, and I understand. We had things in common, and had great conversations! The more time I got to know each of them, the more attached I became, and the more handsome/attractive they came to look in my eyes. That's what happens with women- you fall in love with the whole person. The trappings are just what pull you in initially. So it's not really 'superficial'. It's *natural selection*;)
But completely hideous guys who think their status alone should garner a woman leagues away in the physical department are simply delusional. Older men can be really handsome, which is why my 'comfort zone' boundaries are negotiable. But really, how can I -or anyone- fuck someone they find immediately repulsive? How can you even get turned on? There's no amount of good conversation or bonding that is going to turn an ugly or fat guy into someone you *want* to fuck. Pretty sure it's the hideous dudes with no/low paying jobs who accuse all beautiful women of being superficial.
Cute guys have the upper hand there, for sure. But even cute/average looking guys can't get too far without money or status or intelligence, or some combination thereof. Something has to be present in order to forge a lasting bond. Drop dead gorgeous guys are the only ones who can get by without money/ status or intellect, but a lot of them are not marriage LTR/material for whatever reason (no money/status, playboys with 10 GFs, fuckin' idiots, whatever), so they end up as really fun dates-to-nowhere. Which is perfectly fine, if you can enjoy them for who they are and within their limits.
You should see some of the photos of 30-40 year old guys I have received here on CL, especially comparing them to the cute/average-looking 30-40 yr old I *do* hang around. Never mind comparing them to the hot, gorgeous tissue dudes! Some of these dudes are so ugly, it makes me wonder if they have looked in a mirror! It seems many of them have a skewed idea of what "average" means. Or else have compromised eyesight.
"Younger means clueless.... which is a relative place inhabited by *everyone* who didn't grow up when/where you did. "
This is on point! But one can mitigate cluelessness by reading books and other things;)
Based on my marital experience and subsequent dating experiences, it seems I'm going to have to seek out men smarter or more educated than myself, because those are the only men so far who do not condescend, undermine or else 'mansplain'. Even the directors and other high status creative dudes (who have only BAs) will still 'mansplain' & undermine. I need one with an advanced degree. In fact, it has been *only* the physicians and scientists who have not exhibited these behaviors (which is a bit counter-intuitive, since MDs are well known for their arrogance).
Anyway,
Thanks for the response:)
Write on!!
==========================
Which led to the following emails, abstracted and echoedLaughter. My only response....
So far: Score: 2 nice responses and 1 flaming response.
to letters...
I enjoyed the flaming response too! (comments inline)
>>Is that you {deleted}? [No, I'm -e]
What a fucking disappointment. You sound like a judgemental asshole. You two are perfect for each other and I bet you'd fall hard for a girl like that and in the end I bet she'd take you for everything you've got and leave you drowning in your coffee beans. Or whatever's left of them. Your holier than thou attitude will get you.no where in life. "QUIET" judging others!
Oops my bad. I'm mentally challenged I guess. It couldn't possibly be that I have bad eyesight or that it possibly could have been a typo or auto correct! Seems like such an intelligent guy would 've able to figure that our on his own.
[Hmm... seems to me that is equal parts historical anger (which I am not responsible for), and I hit a button there. My comment about "QUIET vs QUITE" has to do with autotypeing, that was the point.]
o o o
[Ma'am -- that was the point. We ALL judge. The trick is to not let that get in the way of the truth. And... I didn't mean to set you off. I was responding to another well-written post (a 'riff off her words), not trying to bait you. However -- since I'm posting this in Rant N Rave... I guess I'm just adding gasoline. ]
True intelligence has nothing to do with a degree. You're an idiot.
[Agreed (both counts). But, I wasn't saying that a degree makes the man/woman/critter. I was saying that EDUCATION self imposed or thru academe leaves a mark. My point, was that I was disappointed in the quality of the English grammar of most of the posts. People --- even google chrome will redline your words as you type. only on a little twinkly Smarte phone will you have issues with spellcheck and autocorrect. To be more polished... check! ]
<<
On the other hand...
>>
Creepy. She was too. Oh wait, this is rants and raves. I almost forgot where I was.
[ Agreed. But Funny. OR at least that was the attempt.]
<<
>>
Great post!
And I have to agree with most of what you said.
I'm 30, and my comfort zone is between 30-45, though that is not concrete.
With regards to older men looking for younger: there's a world of difference between a 45 year old checking out 30-35 year olds, and the 35-50 year olds looking for 20 year olds. The latter is just creepy. Under 25 is basically still a child. What are these guys thinking?
o o o
[This one was too goode to share completely. And no, we're not hooking up. LOL]
<<<
So -- dear readers. Opinions vary.
Remember -- this *is* Rand and Rave. Where Mexican/Black/Asian/etc haters go to vent, where posting about LARRY is de' rigueur and pictures of bbq'd cats surface next to dismembered Mexicans.
The only reason CL keeps this open.... is to give *us* unfortunates a place to let off steam, without immediate censure. Still happens -- try posting "I want to Kill..{insert politician name here}." and see how fast your TS/S/C ... goes away... or you get a *visit* from some nice folk in a black SUV.
The internet means "No-body knows you are a dog", even if you are... but also means that ANYTHING you do... may circulate forever.
And yes, I write... (and wash my hands afterwards)... thanks R.A.H.
Peace.
Out.
And this posted to Ventura, for some reason I don't know what. fixed. I hope.
==========================
And somehow...
==========================
craigslist
reply e802
(no subject) - And you know what I think. You ARE him! Only you got the last initial wrong. Another typo? You and I Attachment 7:12 pm
reply f983
Go write about that! Lol - Go write about that! Lol 7:04 pm
reply f983
And you obviously do not write and wash your hands... - And you obviously do not write and wash your hands of it because look at you go. Feeling all 7:03 pm
reply e802
(no subject) - You even changed my wording! Lol what a pathetic loser! You may want to check your own polishing Attachment 6:58 pm
reply f983
I thought you were someone else. All you had to d... - I thought you were someone else. All you had to do is let me know I was mistaken. No need to defend 6:49 pm
reply f983
Lol. - Lol. Original craigslist 6:47 pm
reply e802
(no subject) - Too chicken to talk to me? You feel you need to tell the whole world so you'll have someone on
Wow.
I really upset someone.
I'll reply as follows:
1. I'm not "R" whoever he is. (assuming, but wth).
2. I didn't intend to offend, was just trolling in the RnR tradition.
3. I'm sorry you got upset and took it personally. I was just commenting on the reactions...
4. I didn't deliberately re-word you... (didn't check), just cut/paste and shared. So...
And, you're just another person. Equally valuable, equally obnoxious... depending upon the day.
Some days I get it right, some days... not so much.
5. And as for make up sex, yes -- I agree it's usually the best kind; excepting when the nice officers come visit afterwards and somebody has to do some 'explaing... Lucy!
Been there, done that.
Again, person on the other end... my apologies.
"Ghosts are the memories of past regrets, and I have a substantial number."
However, you... other than this dialogue... not so much. (No idea who you are)
ok?
Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)