Pain causes poetry

 whores come and whores go
Where they live, nobody knows.
damaged goods, broken souls
lying faking surviving
barely shows.
It doesn't matter to me.
They're worthless trash it's said
family hates
no friends no hope
just endless "dates".
Broken and angry
thief in the night
justify yourself in the neon light.
Rob and steal, inject and lie dazed
from families broken
unhinged and unmade.
Worthless
dangerous
evil
and gone
you accept this
because you are done.
So they do these things showing disrespect for the whole human race.
Armenian. Mexican, black and I'm white, not right.
Race matters not,
it's entirely for spite.
You made your bed,
it stinks of risk.
you fulfilled your destiny
it is reduced to this.
I would weep for you now dears
if I had any left to give.
Instead feel my (metaphorical) knife
the only role I live.
You say you are worthless, and make it so.
It's up to you now, to change and to go.
Decisions...

So, what the fuck?

I got a call from my ex-roommate.  She told me that she talked to the detective, and said the entire allegation was based upon her being drunk and that she didn't hold to the accusation *after* sobering up.  That we were friends.

Now I wait.  And see what the detective makes of it.  Because, I still could get charged, and at very least for assault...

In AA they talk about amends.  As in ... doing something to apologize and *fix* the damage done prior.  As if that would remove the damages.

News flash, amends are only worthwhile if the person responsible actually feels remorse for the actions taken while out of control. If the person responsible doesn't own it, any apologies are worthless.

Surprises (again?)

So I got a call this morning from a Detective (name removed) from the local division.
It seems that my ex-roommate filed a report of rape against me, either on the day she put me in the hospital emergency room, or a couple days later. 

Long ago, before any of this she told me that she always operates from a position of having less to lose than whomever she is interacting/negotiating with.  The idea, that she can do unto them much worse than they can do unto her...  which is the point.

So, I get a hospital stay, and she gets to accuse me of rape?

yay.

Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.
And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on;
While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.


[originally posted -- 2009-09-07T23:44:41.486-07:00]
attrib:

• Augustus De Morgan, A Budget of Paradoxes, p. 377. Compare Swift, below.

Reflection. about a week

So missy moved out.  No surprise, but the feeling is still equal parts betrayal and hurt, and anger.  I'm still waiting for relief; but It has not happened yet.

So I had this alcoholic roommate; and she moved out...

I'm conflicted because (a) I still wanted to try and help her, and (b) she wasn't paying rent... or doing the agreed chores (etc).  I could go on at length at how she'd wronged me... and I returned the favour; but what is the point?  Whether she owed me money or not, fucked me over or not... when the ship lifts, all bills are paid.

Meanwhile, I'd wonder what she's up to .... except I don't care.  I just keep telling myself that.

So, I have this college dude moving in, and he's totally harmless.  Yes, I know the type.

So why am I bummed?

Maybe because I didn't get to fuck her?  Nope.  Been there done that.  Maybe because I wanted to help her and that didn't take.