2007 Oct 7 - Analysing feelings

Today is a day of reflection.

I have a local pub that I like. One of it's advantages, is that I can park my car in my garage, walk down and ... mostly have no fear of getting a DUI. That's serious in Los Angeles, where without your car you are *nothing*. But, since I'm kinda paranoid about such things, I limit myself to 1,2 beers, which is STILL a lot; hence the walking.

Friday I got very drunk. When I say that I got drunk, I want you to understand the full import of my meaning; and the consequences, the drama, the situation that I found myself.

I had arranged to meet with the ex for dinner, but I met up with my ex- and some former work friends at this pub. They had definitely been drinking before my arrival; this being no surprise because I was still working when she was already leaving. Because one of my friends there bought me a beer and the ex bought me a beer plus a scotch... and then I had ordered a beer of my own; I was well and truely lit. In fact, I would venture to say that this wasn't one of my more lucid and sober moments. In fact, grace had no part in it.

What I do remember is my ex- telling me that I could "leave" now, as she exited the table with this guy that had joined us... which was I think at the 5 or 6 drink mark. Not sure, but suspect... however very clear on the fact that all the other people had left; and that she was going to hang out; but that I was not invited. That's ok, but (well, you'll see).

I apparently called a friend and talked on the phone, I KNOW that I walked home; and somehow managed to shower, undress, worship at the god; and fall into bed. Dammed if I know how, but the evidence is definitely there. Fortunately, I didn't apparently do any lasting damage. However, that's not the point necessarily of this particular diatribe.

Now, I go stumbling home as described earlier in this missive; and am awakened by her son around 2 am, because she'd been picked up by some of the local finest and had left her car on the boulevard. She wasn't anywhere to be found, son wanted to have me come pick him up for purposes of recovering the car and his mom; and I'm in no condition to walk, let alone drive. And... there's no way I can help. So, he'll call me in the morning.

Morning, and I'm still sick as a dog. Not only that, but I find my alcohol test gadget, get it lit and take a reading... 10 plus hours later, and I'm still 0.011%, which means that I've burned about .XX points (give or take) an hour ... hmm. Yup, stupid.

I call her house, get the son who tells me that he got a ride about 4 am to pick up her car, and that somehow she made it "home" while he was out, courtesy of some friend (who I don't know, but probably was the gent she picked up in the bar. Who by the way, I'll give credit for being resourceful enough to keep her from getting arrested. Again.)

So, to recapture the evening... I meet up with my ex and some friends for drinks (supposedly for dinner), she tells me to shove off(cause she's met someone interesting), gets drunk enough to get a DUI and rescued by a new-friend in a limo; ... and I'm going to hang around for more of this? She still hasn't paid me back all of the money she used to bail her son out of jail in January, nor any of the promised back rent... but I promised her mother (literally on her deathbed) that I'd look after her. But see, I know that she can't afford it. If she could, she wouldn't be hitting me up for grocery money. That's not going to change, but I wish she' d at least acknowledge it...

Anyone want to buy a suit of armor? I'll let it go cheap.

yea right.