how do I say it...

Let's see if I can make some sense.

on Monday you got drunk and became very abusive that was kind of scary.  Not only were you verbally abusive, but you were hitting me trying to get to my roommate to hit him.  Fortunately, you don't have much (*any*) in the way of martial arts training.

On Friday I wanted to take the boxes out of the room to get ready for the kids, and you insisted that you and your babysitter would do it Saturday morning.  Saturday , when I wanted to take the boxes down to the garage so we could sort them and get them out of the room you told me if I touched them you would call the police and you would have me arrested for pushing you down the stairs. I still don't know where you got that from.

My friend called me on his way back from Los Angeles and you forbade me to let him in the building. you told me he was a rapist and that you did not trust him.

You also told my roommate you thought I was a rapist...

When I went outside to talk to him, you called him on the phone and threatened him if he. came inside.

My friend and I talked for awhile and I called the Los Angeles City District Attorney's Office. The district attorney advised us to talk to the watch commander. the watch commander said the only thing I could do is ask you to leave. I called and asked dispatch for a police supervisor who is the gentleman that woke you up
When the police took you outside, you told them that I was abusing you, and that I had pushed you down the stairs.

The reason I had to remove you is because I did not want you to have me arrested. And I believed you when you said that you would do just that. Whether you acknowledge it, remember it or not you provided a significant threat to me and my safety.

And yes I could have handled it better but I don't know how.

It's a disease...

I'm only going to be slightly sarcastic here; an alcoholic cannot *help* what they are, it's a disease and they don't get a pass like the rest of us who don't need to drink (insert whatever variation on "stuck in the behaviour" you want)...

And... Abused people don't get fixed, you can't do anything for them except offer support and stay out of the way (not adding more roadblocks); because YOU CANNOT FIX PEOPLE.,  THEY EITHER FIX THEMSELVES OR NOT.

I'll say it again.  You cannot fix anyone.  If they don't do it themselves, it won't happen.  You can contain the damage by not being there, that's all.

TANSTAFFL revisted

I hate it when my friends are right, and I'm proven wrong...

Especially when I have such personal hopes.

Oh well.  It ain't life if there are no bumps in the road.

I am trying to help a new friend (and gf), and it's proving difficult.  You can't change someone, they either are who they are... or they modify on their own.  All you can do is not get in the way.

Period.

I just wish I could... just this once... shine a light that gets seen.

Requim, again... Pippi Longstocking Cat. 1997 - 3/17/2013

Today I said goodby to another good friend.  Pippi was a small cat with a big heart.

She arrived (accounts vary) sometime in 1997, she and another cat and her former owner moved in August 2001, and she's been here ever since.  The ex - fiance'; long since gone but the two cats remained..

Pippi was so skittish, she'd only approach you if you had been lying down still for a few minutes... and you couldn't really pet her; she would disappear.

Over time, she discovered wet food, sashimi and steak; and found her voice.  She was my shoulder cat, loved to perch on my right while I was working or watching TV or a video.  

Pippi had a little burring purr; with a hint of a chirp in it...  especially when you scratched her behind the ear, or under the chin.  She also had these amazingly sharp (think surgical steel) tiny claws that would go into skin through shirt and tee, especially when she determined that she was NOT getting down... 

She spent almost all of her time on top of the 85 gallon fish tank, I went through towels trying to keep her dry and off the lamps (the main reason for the perch).   She didn't "Play" with string, ball or feathers... but you could see her watching everything from her perch on high.  Also I think she liked the vantage point, and it was warm and moist during the cold winter nights.  She could jump the requisite 5 1/2 feet straight up the side of the tank; and only needed "stepladder" assistance (a chair and a multi-drawer cabinet) recently as she got older and more infirm. About the last 5 years she had a mild form of leukemia that affected her intestines, so part of the ritual was to feed her medication to make her guts quiet and allow her to digest what she had eaten.  

She was extremely vocal (siamese yowl) when she wanted my attention, and would happily climb from the floor to my shoulder by any means convenient.  If I was sitting, she might be amenable to my lap...  or any odd bits of raw fish I might be eating at the time.

She got weaker a couple months ago, and injured her rear knee and hip.  It wasn't as much fun as before to jump places, and the last week she got a bladder infection, rapidly declined and her quality of life became debatable.  

She still managed a morsel of good steak this morning; and she passed with some gentle help from the doctor at 11:57am on this Sunday.  

My universe has lost another tiny bright light...

Pippi Longstocking Cat.  1997 - 3/17/2013
Renee gave me this in email last night... 6/1/2013

Dating folk with problem(s). Don't we all have?

The Mom is doing much better, we have a plan to get her through these tough spots.  She's going to be trained in Chicago in a couple weeks, so it is somewhat more important to get this done.  Time is...

Am I dreaming or what...?  We will see.  One can hope.

And, now we have a storage unit reserved, a weekend of moving fun planned (yea...) and I'm on the hook to host her for a few weeks until a paycheck arrives.

Meanwhile....

Klonopin (clonazepam) and dating

Wow.  I just sent off two darling kids (2 years and 4 years) to the keeping of their dad, because Mom just got checked in for a Psych eval.  A 24-72 hour hold, I don't know yet, this is new to me.
Apparently (guessing -- I'm not a medical professional), either the mix wasn't right; or there are additional twists that aren't getting addressed with the current cocktail. I don't know.
What I do know, is that she needed help, the kids needed safekeeping, and I'm going to be the bad guy because I called the state protective services, and they said "Call 911.  Call them now".

The kids are safe, the gal is in hospital... and hopefully will get sorted out.

I'm not whining, not really.  I'm just sad becase there is so little I can do to help, and the problem(s) are so major.  But I'm still going to take it on the chin.

musings of the idle not-so-rich

I don't write as often as I did.  Among other things, it's become both more difficult and now *easier* than it was before.  Now since google has linked the accounts, I have to disconnect one persona and introduce the other in order to write here.  That's a PITA.  However... once figured out; it's really pretty simple.

I have a new friend.  Well, this started slightly before December, and then I ran away... (she's got issues).  But, apparently my telling her helped her decide to stay more on course and produce less drama.  Well, at least that appears to be the current situation.  We will see. I'm not holding my breath, got over that with the last few who went complete Nut-Job on me. (you know who you are).

karma may win out; I hope G*d is kinder to them than that...

So, tonight a BBQ dinner at Lenny's BBQ on Valley Circle in Chatsworth area, and now home for a nice Irish whiskey in a snifter (yes, I am that upper-crust -- LOL).  And reflections upon where I am and what I've accomplished.

So, I'm still in my condo, the cats are still fed and Pippi is upstairs purring about a morsel of ribeye (mostly fat) that she's consumed... and I still hope to bring her weight back up somewhat.  (She's at 4 lbs, down for 4 lbs and 10 ounces... which is much closer to her healthy weight than at present).

But, we all can do only what we can do.  I can hope, right...?


only time will tell.