Promises made and broken

I have to be my own worst enemy,
and also that of my friend, the one with an addiction disorder unfortunately.

. She will stop drinking.  If She does drink, She won't do it around us.  If She feel that she is losing control, She will leave.  So, what do I do?  I allow her to drink (because she will seize without detox) and furnish alcohol she can get to.  It's also interesting because her other friends can furnish her with alcohol (party) and although she complains about it, she goes back willingly and whether or not other activities occur... I have no idea.  But I'm *different* -- BullShit.

. She will provide $$$ / week and some cleaning help.  That one is mixed, she's intermittent on the money (which to be fair... I told her she could slide because I didn't want to have her *work* because it's damaging to her soul / psyche).  I would much rather have her whole...  But she cleans like no-one I've seen since a professional service.

. She will fix (list of items).  Most of which, cannot be worked on when she's drunk; which provides a barrier to completion. 

. She will no longer talk to (insert list of names here) because they are damaging to her mental health, sobriety and makes her angry.  And, yet, between drunken dialing by *them*, and her response; the cycle continues.  Using my phone...

. She will tell the truth about what she have ingested.  That one seems to be holding, but I have my occasional fears...

. She will take care with the household; I won't endanger anyone. Your mileage may vary.  If I fly to elsewhere for the holidays, are we all safe?

. She won't make accusations (rape) because she is angry.

. She won't get violent.  I've got an interesting set of stitches that say otherwise.  And the morning of this posting, she sounded and acted *exactly* like she did when she went after me with a kitchen knife; so forgive me if I am a little untrusting.

But, mostly... because she's still drinking.  And she has to stop.  And I don't have any leverage or control; so it is not my problem.

And I'm an enabler.  Some of that because I'm infatuated with the amazing person she can be when...

Some of that because when she's slightly tipsy; she's amazingly friendly/funny/cuddly/sexy.  That messes me up more than anything else; because I know what I want --- and the little lizard brain is damm sneaky that way.  Just because I feel that way, does NOT mean that she will, and she most certainly does not.  Still want to F***, dammit.

But it feels like it is my problem; and enabling aside... it isn't.  But I care and that hurts.