Sometimes, Reality bites.
I am facing mitral valve replacement plus a bypass of the left anterior decending "WidowMaker" artery.
The senior surgeon who is apparently the one doing the procedure is leaving it up to me whether to do a cow (or pig) valve or a metal valve.
If it is a pig valve, then the expected duty cycle is 10 to 12 years before replacement is required again.
If it's a metal valve it doesn't fail often, however I would have to be on blood thinners for life, with all the resultant complications.
An argument in favor of the pig valve is that I don't have to add medicines that complicate things, and 10 years from now who knows he might have better technology than we have today. The surgeon was fairly dismissive of the beta developments for putting an implant in without opening the chest; mostly because it's not completely approved and he thinks the technology will get better. Also he pointed out the risk factor is having to have emergency open heart surgery because the implantation fails in some fashion. Also he can't do all of the same trimming of the valve etc.
The disadvantage the blood thinners and a steel or whatever metal valve is among other things that I'm at risk for bleeding which would be uncontrollable if in fact I was in an accident. Kidney, liver or head trauma would result in an unacceptable outcome because they can't stop the blood thinners, and they can't control the bleeding. (As I understand it anyway).
My good friend went through this with her late husband a couple years ago. Specifically the blood thinners but he also had incipient dementia and some other issues.
I have asked a couple friends, because of their professional expertise, because they usually can think their way out of a paper bag, my friend for her experience; and my sister and partner for obvious self-evident reasons. Among other things my sister was the primary caregiver for my mom and I trust her.
I myself am tempted to go with a pig valve and avoid the blood thinners but that immediately indicates that 10 years from now I will probably have to either have open heart surgery again with higher risk and complications, or they will do some other procedure entirely which may or may not be viable at that point.
My Dad made it to 67 as a smoker; had a heart attack and it took him 6 months to pass at in ICU. I remember. Mom made it to 103 and 1/4, and she lived a good life.
Thanks for listening
So, only a few days before I was going to see my mom and my sister and celebrate (wrong word) the passing of my cousin's husband. Then, a few days before I flew up my Mom passed.
So, I didn't change my flight because what was the point? I could not change the outcome.
My sister, who has been carrying the water as the principal caregiver for the last few years (more than 5, less than 10) needed my help clearing my Mom's apartment. In between crying, my sister was a rock.
I at that point (and still) can't feel the sadness that I know is coming. Every so often I choke up, but I still haven't grieved for my mother; whom I have known all my life.
It will come.
We cleared my Mom's apartment at the care facility. My sister is STILL dealing with every reminder that my mother is not here anymore. I am back in my treadmill, and have still not really sat down to accept it.
Every time I want to call my mom, which I did every night for the last 7 years or so (ever since she fell the first time), I am reminded and I feel sad. I still cannot cry. Yet.
There is a lot of conflict, because of minor inconsequental things. I love my sister and her partner. They rock. I want to shoulder their pain. And, I cannot.
So, taking a breath... because it's been somewhat more busy than I'm used to...
I got hired by LACCD (East Los Angeles Campus) for an IT position.
Back in September.
Second shift and in East LA, which meant that I had to leave for work after the peak of the rush-hour, but also that I did not get home until 8-9PM and night. And... because of the type of the position, my time was not my own; very much "Go to the Fridge, Get the Box".
Then, during a conversation with my 2nd shift supervisor, I made the comment that HR didn't know what to do with me... because I already had Medicare and was trying to fit that in with the existing Calif coverage, Medicare and Kaiser. (Hint - the school district HR department didn't have a good answer, in spite of the fact that many of the staff (professors, etc) are well over retirement age).
His response: "How the heck old are you? and Why are you working?" (paraphrased)
He literally couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I might still be working after a certain age.
Besides training never really happening ("You should already know that") and some other interaction issues; most of the feedback I got consisted of "you did that wrong"... but without direction or instructions I think it was a somewhat unfair assessment. Pretty much all of the complaints had to do with Institutional Knowledge, not technical (at least in terms of where the errors occurred) and since no-one was willing to explain or credit the missing information; it didn't work out so well. I had to invent whole-cloth most of the inventory work I did, and was only given vague instructions about most of the rest. (You should know this)... but I've never worked in a 3000 staff and 60,000 student environment before. That is a LOT of "customer/clients". And there is a LOT of legacy infrastructure that I never saw before in that scale.
It could have gone better.
Did I mention that LACCD has a specific "6 month" probationary period where they can discontinue the employment without giving an explanation? Well, that happened.
I am still annoyed, but letting that define my mental state allows them to win the round.
But, I did have plans to stay in the position and build up some cash toward retirement.
Back to the search...
(I will probably have more to say later).
So, a new notice on Quickbooks came in to my email.
The license has changed for 2022 and I wanted to see why.
Comparing the two versions... leads to some interesting verbage. (Since most of us just click on accept).
first: (added is underlined)
6.4
You will manage your passwords and accept updates. You are responsible for
securely managing your password(s) for access to the Software and to contact
Intuit If you become aware of any unauthorized access to your account. The
Software may periodically be updated with tools, utilities, improvements, third
party applications, or general updates to improve the Software. You agree to
receive and install these
updates.
6.5 If you
obtained a subscription for the Software that includes new or Upgrade versions
(as defined below) of the Software, you agree that Intuit may require you to
install such new or Upgrade versions of the Software in order to continue your
subscription. You agree to accept and install all such new or Upgrade
version(s) of the Software within the time period specified by Intuit. You
understand and agree that if you do not install such new or Upgrade version(s)
within the specified time period Intuit may provide you a second and final
notification that accepting such new or Upgrade version(s) is required and that
failure to install such new or Upgrade version and replace the prior version of
the Software will result in termination of your subscription. If you do not
then make such Upgrade within an additional specified time period after the
date of issuance of Intuit’s second and final notification then Intuit, at its
sole discretion, may immediately terminate (i) your subscription, (ii) your
continued use of the Software and (iii) all other subscription benefits and
services; and, at its discretion, refund any unused or prorated balance of your
subscription fees.
13.
DISPUTES. Most disagreements can be resolved informally and
efficiently by contacting our customer support team. If you are a U.S.
customer:
a. YOU AND INTUIT
AGREE THAT, EXCEPT AS PROVIDED BELOW, ANY DISPUTE OR,
CLAIM OR CONTROVERSY ARISING OUT OF OR RELATING
IN ANY WAY TO THE INTUIT SOFTWARESERVICES
OR THIS AGREEMENT (A “CLAIM”) WILL BE RESOLVEDDETERMINED
BY BINDING ARBITRATION, RATHER THAN IN OR SMALL CLAIMS COURT, except
that you may assert claimsINSTEAD OF IN COURTS OF
GENERAL JURISDICTION.
b. Small Claims
Court. Either you or Intuit can seek to have a Claim resolved in
small claims court if your all the requirements of
the small claims court are satisfied. Either you or Intuit may seek to have a
Claim resolved in small claims qualify. Thecourt
in your county of residence or the small claims court in closest proximity to
your residence, and you may also bring a claim in small claims court in the
Superior Court of California, County of Santa Clara.
c. Arbitration.
Arbitration is more informal than a lawsuit in court. Arbitration uses a
neutral arbitrator instead of a judge or jury, may allow for more limited
discovery than in court, and is subject to very limited review by courts.
Arbitrators can award the same damages and relief that a court can award. You
agree that the U.S. Federal Arbitration Act governs the
interpretation and enforcement of this provision; the
arbitrator shall apply California law to all other matters. All issues are for
the arbitrator to decide, including issues relating to the scope and
enforceability of this arbitration provision,
and that you and Intuit are each waiving the right to a trial by jury or to
participate in a class action. This arbitration provision.
Notwithstanding anything to the contrary, any party to the arbitration may at
any time seek injunctions or other forms of equitable relief from any court of
competent jurisdiction. WE EACH AGREE THAT ANY AND ALL DISPUTES MUST BE BROUGHT
IN THE PARTIES’ INDIVIDUAL CAPACITY AND NOT AS A PLAINTIFF OR CLASS MEMBER IN
ANY PURPORTED CLASS OR REPRESENTATIVE PROCEEDING. BY ENTERING INTO THIS
AGREEMENT AND AGREEING TO ARBITRATION, YOU AGREE THAT YOU AND INTUIT ARE EACH
WAIVING THE RIGHT TO FILE A LAWSUIT AND THE RIGHT TO A TRIAL BY JURY. IN
ADDITION, YOU AGREE TO WAIVE THE RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN A CLASS ACTION OR
LITIGATE ON A CLASS-WIDE BASIS. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE EXPRESSLY AND KNOWINGLY
WAIVED THESE RIGHTS shall survive
termination of this Agreement and/or the termination of your Services.
To begin an arbitration
proceeding, send a letter requesting arbitration and describing your claim to
Intuit Inc., d. Notice of Claim. If you elect to seek
arbitration, you must first send to Intuit a written Notice of your Claim
(“Notice of Claim”). The Notice of Claim to Intuit should be sent
in care of our registered agent Corporation Service Company, 251 Little Falls
Drive, Wilmington, DE 19808. Arbitration will be conducted by the American
Arbitration Association (AAA)The Notice of Claim
should include both the mailing address and email address you would like Intuit
to use to contact you. If Intuit elects to seek arbitration, it will send, by
certified mail, a written Notice of Claim to your address on file. A Notice of
Claim, whether sent by you or by Intuit, must (a) describe the nature and basis
of the claim or dispute; and (b) set forth the specific amount of damages or
other relief sought.
e. Informal
Resolution. You and Intuit agree that good-faith informal efforts to resolve
disputes often can result in a prompt, low-cost and mutually beneficial
outcome. You and Intuit therefore agree that, after a Notice of Claim is sent
but before either you or Intuit commence arbitration or file a claim in small
claims court against the other, we will personally meet, via telephone or
videoconference, in a good-faith effort to confer with each other and try to
resolve informally any Claim covered by this Agreement. If you are represented
by counsel, your counsel may participate in the conference as well, but you
agree to fully participate in the conference. Likewise, if Intuit is
represented by counsel, its counsel may participate in the conference as well,
but Intuit agrees to have a company representative fully participate in the
conference. The statute of limitations and any filing fee deadlines shall be
tolled while the parties engage in the informal dispute resolution process
required by this paragraph.
f. Commencing
Arbitration or Small Claims Proceedings. If we do not reach an agreement to
resolve the Claim within sixty (60) days after the Notice of Claim is received,
you or Intuit may commence an arbitration proceeding by filing a Demand for
Arbitration or, alternatively, by filing a Claim in small claims court. You
agree that you may not commence any arbitration or file a claim in small claims
court unless you and Intuit are unable to resolve the claim within 60 days
after we receive your completed Notice of Claim and you have made a good faith
effort to resolve your claim directly with Intuit during that time. If a Claim
qualifies for small claims court, but a party commences an arbitration proceeding,
you and Intuit agree that either party may elect instead to have the Claim
resolved in small claims court, and upon written notice of a party’s election,
the American Arbitration Association (“AAA”) will administratively close the
arbitration proceeding. Any dispute about whether a Claim qualifies for small
claims court shall be resolved by that court, not by an arbitrator. In the
event of any such dispute, the arbitration proceeding shall remain closed
unless and until a decision by the small claims court that the Claim should
proceed in arbitration. You may download or copy a form of notice and a form to
initiate arbitration at www.adr.org or by calling 1-800-778-7879. The
arbitration will be conducted by the AAA before a single AAA
arbitrator under the AAA’s rules, which are available at www.adr.org or by
calling 1-800-778-7879. Payment of all filing, administration and
arbitrator fees and costs will be governed by the AAA’s rules, but if you are
unable to pay any of them, Intuit will pay them for you. In addition, Intuit
will reimburse all such fees and costs for claims totaling less than $75,000
unless the arbitrator determines the claims are frivolous. Likewise, Intuit
will not seek its attorneys’ fees or costs in arbitration unless the arbitrator
determines your claims or defenses are frivolous. You may choose to have the
arbitration conducted by telephone, based on written submissions, or in person
in the county where you live or at another mutually agreed location. The
decision of the arbitrator shall be final and not appealable, and judgment on
the arbitration award may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof.
This Section 13 shall survive expiration, termination or rescission of this
Agreement, except as modified by this Agreement. Unless
Intuit and you agree otherwise, any arbitration hearings will take place in the
county (or parish) of either your residence or of the mailing address you
provided in your Notice of Claim.
g. Arbitration
Proceedings: Arbitrators. The arbitrator will be either (1) a retired judge or
(2) an attorney specifically licensed to practice law in the state of
California or the state of your residence and will be selected by the parties
from the AAA’s National Roster of arbitrators. The arbitrator will be selected
using the following procedure: (a) the AAA will send the parties a list of five
candidates meeting this criteria; (b) if the parties cannot agree on an
arbitrator from the list, each party shall return its list to the AAA within 10
days, striking up to two candidates, and ranking the remaining candidates in
order of preference; (c) the AAA shall appoint as arbitrator the candidate with
the highest aggregate ranking; and (d) if for any reason the appointment cannot
be made according to this procedure, the AAA may exercise its discretion in
appointing the arbitrator. The arbitrator is bound by this Agreement. Except as
otherwise provided in Section 13(i) below, all issues are for the arbitrator to
decide, including issues relating to the scope and enforceability of this
arbitration provision.
h. Arbitration
Proceedings: Administrative Conference. The parties agree that an
administrative conference with the AAA shall be conducted in each arbitration
proceeding, and you and an Intuit company representative shall appear at the
administrative conference via telephone. If you fail to appear at the
administrative conference, regardless of whether your counsel attends, the AAA
will administratively close the arbitration proceeding without prejudice,
unless you show good cause as to why you were not able to attend the
conference.
i. Arbitration
Proceedings: Decisions. The arbitrator shall issue a reasoned written decision
sufficient to explain the essential findings and conclusions on which the award
is based. The award shall be binding only among the parties and shall have no
preclusive effect in any other arbitration or other proceeding involving a different
party. Intuit will not seek to recover its attorneys’ fees and costs in
arbitration from you unless the arbitrator finds that either the substance of
your claim or the relief sought in your Demand for Arbitration was frivolous or
was brought for an improper purpose (as measured by the standards set forth in
Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 11(b)). Judgment on any award may be entered in
any court having jurisdiction. This agreement to arbitrate shall not preclude
any party to the arbitration from at any time seeking injunctions or other
forms of equitable relief in aid of arbitration from a court of appropriate
jurisdiction including whether a Demand for Arbitration is filed in violation
of this Agreement.
j. Injunctive and
Declaratory Relief. Except as provided in Section 13(b) above, the arbitrator
shall determine all issues of liability on the merits of any Claim asserted by
you or Intuit and may award declaratory or injunctive relief only in favor of
the individual party seeking relief and only to the extent necessary to provide
relief warranted by that party’s individual claim. To the extent that you or
Intuit prevail on a Claim and seek public injunctive relief (that is,
injunctive relief that has the primary purpose and effect of prohibiting unlawful
acts that threaten future injury to the public), the entitlement to and extent
of such relief must be litigated in a civil court of competent jurisdiction and
not in arbitration. The parties agree that litigation of any issues of public
injunctive relief shall be stayed pending the outcome of the merits of any
individual Claims in arbitration. Before a court of competent jurisdiction
issues any public injunctive relief, it shall review the factual findings of
the arbitration award on which any injunction would issue with no deference to
the arbitrator.
k. Arbitration
Fees and Costs. Payment of all filing, administration and arbitrator fees will
be governed by the AAA Rules. You are required to pay AAA’s initial filing fee,
but Intuit will reimburse you for this filing fee at the conclusion of the
arbitration to the extent it exceeds the fee for filing a complaint in a
federal or state court in your county of residence or in Santa Clara County,
California. If the arbitrator finds that either the substance of your Claim or
the relief sought in your Demand for Arbitration was frivolous or was brought
for an improper purpose (as measured by the standards set forth in Federal Rule
of Civil Procedure 11(b)), then the payment of all fees will be governed by the
AAA Rules and Intuit will not reimburse your initial filing fee. The parties
agree that the AAA has discretion to modify the amount or timing of any
administrative or arbitration fees due under the AAA Rules where it deems
appropriate, provided that such modification does not increase the AAA fees to
you or Intuit, and you and Intuit waive any objection to such fee modification.
l. Class Action
Waiver. YOU AND INTUIT AGREE THAT EACH MAY BRING CLAIMS AGAINST THE OTHER ONLY
IN YOUR OR ITS INDIVIDUAL CAPACITY, AND NOT AS A PLAINTIFF OR CLASS MEMBER IN
ANY PURPORTED CLASS OR REPRESENTATIVE PROCEEDING. Further, if you have elected
arbitration, unless both you and Intuit agree otherwise, the arbitrator may not
consolidate any other person’s Claims with your Claims and may not otherwise
preside over any form of a representative or class proceeding. If Intuit
believes that any Claim you have filed in arbitration or in court is
inconsistent with the limitations in this Section 13(l), then you agree that
Intuit may seek an order from a court determining whether your Claim is within
the scope of the Class Action Waiver. If this Class Action Waiver is found to
be unenforceable, then the entirety of this Section 13 (Disputes) shall be null
and void.
I weep the tears for two forgotten years and slightly more it seems
I cry inside to hide the feelings
in between my cats comfort me
I weep for what and whom we lost
I weep for opportunity
I hide all this inside myself I don't leak [on screen]
getting by barely but against the wall
and yet fortunate it seems
but for grace or luck or charm these are lost into this the dream
I worry about all those I know and all I love today
I fear that we will lose yet more 'cuz crazy wins the day
these things I feel they're crushing me
and yet I cannot say to you
I could lose in these uncertain times
I hope I pray but religious not
besides she doesn't take my calls
But I get up each morning and do it again
and I hope that we do not fall
