Last night / this morning (in the wee hours); I blew it. When you combine scotch with an extremely intelligent, troubled, attractive person of the female persuasion, the lizard brain can rule.
I don't know (cannot imagine) what was going on during the process in her mind; but she was playing youtube videos of music that (I theorize) the lyrics were the medium of the message.
In other words, kiddies.... she was talking thru youtube videos.
And I didn't get the entire message, but allowed for more scotch, and somehow I let the lizard out.
Not much, and still...
She warned me, under certain circumstances she would be *gone*. No goodby, no apologies, and no way to regroup. Period. And, I would NEVER ever hear from her again, or know about her doings.
She read a series of text messages from one desperate, angry individual. First apologetic, then begging, then angry... Something I knew happens when the door is open and the breeze blows in.
She has told me some things, and tried --- in her own way and style --- to let me in a little, I think.
But that's now gone.
Mea maxima culpa. Not so much for what I did, as what I did not; I didn't after all, provide the completely safe harbor that she needed and was asking for. I tried... however it isn't a do-over.
<you don't need her name>, my apologies. You'll never know.
But, I won't be that guy with the angry...
this is going to hurt a bit. but the guilt...
again.
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