My friend/roommate/ex-girlfriend is mentally ill. That is to say, half-round-the-bend, sheets-to-the-wind, unstable, unreasonable and oftentimes dangerous. But, mostly nuts after 5 or 6 pm, for no discernable reason I can see. We (my friends and I) have tried out different theories: (a) that she's still drinking because she is an alcoholic, (b) she's abusing, overtaking or incorrectly taking her drugs, (c) they [always the ever-present they] have not diagnosed her properly; or (d) G*d doesn't like her very much.
She's amazingly broken at times. She's efficient, personable, committed, on top of the situation in the daytime; and yet... by evening Ms Hyde comes out and she becomes a raving bitch. One that you wouldn't have any difficulty pitting down like a mad dog. Because, in fact... that is exactly what she is.
She's fighting to regain custody of her three kids, in two seperate court cases ( I think, not even sure anymore); advocating extreme penalties for the guy who took her in last (before this round with me) and then beat the crap out of her -- perhaps in frustration because he didn't understand or have the tools to deal with her behaviour. I don't know, and I'm a results-oriented kind of guy. If it doesn't work, and is painful; it isn't working... so change it. Somehow.
I spend a lot of time trying to defuse her anger, she's abusive, vituperative, and sometimes just wrong-headed in a non-productive direction. I've seen her create a situation that will absolutely *fuck* her in the end; and she cannot seem to avoid making it happen. Like staying up all night spinning her wheels before a 5am interview. I'm fairly certain she wanted to go to sleep; she just couldn't.
I'm trying to change it somehow. (repeating). But, I'm not a trained therapist, and I have my own ossuary tucked away; I don't need to acquire anyone else's. When she goes off, I'm prompted to react in kind, and we (all) know already that is counter-productive. No matter how badly I want to introduce her to the Tidy-Bowl man; it goes badly if I act on impulse. Even if she apologizes ... which she doesn't generally do; because that would imply accountability.... which isn't her strong suit. She's been trained since childhood to deny... deny... and deny some more.
She blames me for:
1. Calling 911 and having the police determine that she was unstable enough to be committed overnight at a hospital; where she sat until morning, because during the day (see earlier) she's fine. BTW, calling 911 results in POLICE officers, the mental health people don't come out until it is "safe". She got ambulance transport (about $1500) and and overnight stay tied to a gurney. That was the decision of the officers; I didn't get a say; I called because I wanted her talked down from committing suicide (which she was talking about because it would be "better for her children").
2. Putting her in the situation where she got dragged around the house by this fellow-AA'er who lost his temper (he was still drinking and abusing meds which seems to be a bad idea anyway), in front of her kids... who were (so she says) scarred for life. Jury still out on that. Kids are more resilient than you give them credit for. Her daughter keeps stepping up to be the "mommy". That's just unfair to do to a kid. That Dad's not doing great either, making near minimum wage in a hole in Arizona and leaving the kids in daycare, and he smokes around them... but he's a decent sort (appears anyway), and I can see how he got to the "don't care" stage...
3. Having her car repo'd; because she's convinced I told the bank where to find her car (I wouldn't, but that doesn't cut any ice with her --- SOMEONE must have done it, they couldn't have found it on their own). You know they've got people cruising streets with realtime video cameras and licence plate readers / database lookups? The owner of the yard was very proud of his state of the art software taken from this 2 second google search, no less. And Scarier... Surveillance For Hire: Would You Take Money to Record Fellow Drivers?.
4. Beating her up; which I something I vehemently object to... I have have wrestled with her (when she was playful) and I am guilty of grabbing her hands when she smacks me in the face, and have gotten pretty verbal when she kicked me someplace strategic.
We have butted heads when I was too close; but I have had her jumping on me and swinging... and she doesn't "remember" any of that. I saw her falling in bushes a year ago, too drunk to walk and she's fallen down the stairs and in the bathroom to enough to qualify for a walker and the special helmet. Won't admit it either...
5. I "steal" back items which are mine that she has appropriated. (first off, she has no idea how much stuff she's requisitioned, and second... most of the items she's accused me of looting were found in her room, buried). I resent that on so many levels.
6. I'm respsonsible in full for her current predicament. If not for me, she never would have been arrested, never would have lost her kids to DCFS... would have never taken her kids away. As if I had that much power.
She is responsible for this mess, and because she's still somewhat undiagnosed... [maybe] Borderline Personality Disorder, with a touch of Bipolar and an alcoholic... it's somehow all my fault.
She keeps threatening to have me and my other roommate arrested. Which would result in a night in jail, a bail charge... and then charges dropped. About $3000 give or take.
The joke, I'm still trying to help her. But it's wearing thin.
I've got about 8 officer visits, and 911 recordings, and it's going to result in her getting committed. And that isn't what I'm trying to accomplish.
dammit.
And she still won't move out.
I did say "mentally ill" right?
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