Friday night, lonely night, cold as hell...

It's amazing how much pain is wrapped around other people's approval. The self image we carry is validated by the folk we know and use for a measure of our self-worth.

No matter how we rationalize it, we still are at the mercy of those we deem our "superiors" and our "peers". Being alone for Valentine's day, itself isn't a big deal; but being alone and knowing that your friends would think less of you... that's the rub.

I haven't dated officially since my last GF and I broke up, at her insistance. And I cannot say that her choice was bad; for her it was apparently the right choice. I think (don't know) that she will end up marrying the other guy. Not my decision, and I don't get to give input.

But, when I look at where I myself am at this juncture; it is depressing. I am not (no longer) weepy about such things, but I am very aware of the lack of appreciation, the recognition that someone else does not think as highly of myself as I would like.

And that sucks.

We get better with time, but I don't have that much to spare. I just have to face that once again, I have been weighed in the balance... and found...

מנא ,מנא, תקל, ופרסין Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin (transilt from memory, probably screwed up).

wanting...

It's so fun to be introspective.